I would totally survive the zombie apocalypse

Why?  Life skills, people, life skills.  Now, I will grant you the fact that I like triple platforms and animal print and bedazzled everything.....but at least I have common sense!  I don't, nor have I ever needed, someone to hold my hand through normal daily activities.  I have never asked my professor how I could be failing when I have missed 13 of 16 class meetings.  I have never signed up for a class, opted not to attend it, and then had the guts to email the professor for the location and time of the final exam.  I have never suggested to a professor that since I'm a senior, I'm really going to need to pass this class.  Why?  Common sense.  This is the pictures of common sense:



Yes, it's true.  Common sense is a spray tan, triple platforms, and a teal and zebra interview suit.  I know, you're amazed, but when the apocalypse comes and it's survival of the fittest, stick with me folks!  I can fend for myself, and probably for you to.  Why?  Because I have learned how to survive in the world.  Believe it or not, that's what college is all about.  If you can't handle that, not a big deal just  DON'T GO TO COLLEGE.

Sometimes I'm just amazed that people are even alive.  Like I'm not even sure they really remember to eat and bathe and sleep every day.  I just don't know.....when did people become so dumb?  I am definitely not the most brilliant person to roam the Earth, but I can certainly get myself up everyday, feed myself, and get myself to where I need to be on time and prepared for the events of the day.  So, bring on the zombie attack.....and my dearest darling students, be advised: I'm preparing you for life (as well as the unlikely, yet still very possible impending zombie attack).  Hints for the day: listen to what I say.  Believe it or not, I'm trying to impart knowledge that will help you in life.  Write it down.  Record it.  Take a photo of my chalkboard with your fancy phone.  Whatever, just take note of what I say.  If it were superfluous I promise I wouldn't bore you with it.  If it were worthless, I wouldn't have a job.  So get on board folks, one of these days it's going to be time to clean house and all the dummies are going to be sacrificed!