Contrary to popular belief

Ladies and gentlemen, natural selection is in effect.  Contrary to popular belief, not all of you will survive....some of you will have to be eliminated.  Yes, it's a sad sad fact, but it's all masked behind your behavior.  Here are a few tips to help you survive and have your name live on.

1.  Contrary to popular belief, not everyone is smart.  In fact, most people are just plain dumb.  So....you're going to have to put a little effort into life.  Coasting through will just make sure that your killed off quickly.  Want to survive?  Don't be an idiot.

2.  Wearing clothing that is too small for you, or constantly revealing unflattering areas, just tells the big man that you should be on the quick track to elimination.  Contrary to popular belief, showing you belly button is not hot, it's tacky and kind of skanky.  Please stop.  A little mystery goes a long way.

3.  Contrary to popular belief, rain does not allow you to drive like a freak show.  It's just water, falling from the sky, it happens every day, all the time, all over the world, and people cope.  If you can't, you should remove yourself from the possibility of driving like an freak.

4.  Contrary to popular belief, talking loudly does not make me listen to you.  In fact, it makes me hate you for interrupting my inner running dialogue.  If I wanted to pay attention to you I would.  If I'm not, go away.

5.  You are not the center of the universe.  Yes, surely you are the center of your universe, but I don't live there and I really don't care that you think you're so important.  You should also know that if you cannot open your eyes wide enough to look around you, you'll probably walk into a hyena den one night while you admire yourself in your little Cover Girl compact mirror.  I will not save you if this happens.

6.  The overly used, not funny at all, "That's what she said" joke will not make me laugh.  In fact, it will make me seriously doubt your comic taste.  I try to surround myself with funny people, not annoying ones who can't come up with their own new and exciting one-liners.

7.  Full make up with false eye lashes and red lipstick for school is not cute.....it makes you look like you're just trying WAY WAY WAY too hard.  If you have to try that hard for school, the rest of your life is going to be pretty much unbearable.  Good luck with that.

Don't be a lemming folks.  Most of the people you're following around blindly are idiots; take a good look at a person before you decide they can lead you somewhere.  Rebel a little bit and may even try to think in your own....it's a big step, I know, but I believe in you.