Ten questions I could stand never to answer again.

As a young hot single (read independent shy book nerd) girl in her late twenties, there are a series of questions I could stand to never answer again.  I'm sure you probably have gotten these too, but it's always good to remind the greater public just how thrilled we are to answer these questions.

1.  So, are you dating anyone?
Well . . . if I were and I like you I would have told you by now.  If I were and you don't know, there's probably a reason.  But in all likelihood, no, I'm not, but thank you for reminding me how single I am.  Please refer to Bridget Jones before speaking to me again.

2.  So . . . you teach Italian?  Like the language?
No, in America when we say Italian we mean applied physics.  Didn't you know?

3.  When you do you think you'll get married and settle down?
It's scheduled for five weeks from the 21st of March, 2014.  Perhaps you should refer to question 1 and then decide if that's really a pertinent question.

4.  What's Texas like?
It's probably me, but how am I supposed to answer that question?  And what are you really asking?  If people ride their horses to school in the morning and play with their spurs in class?  Texas is like everywhere else I've lived just hotter.

5.  You're 28 and you've already finished you're PhD?  How?
Well, to tell you the truth I'm 47.  And second, I lie.  I didn't even finish high school.  I don't have a good answer other than I went to school, stayed in school, finished school, and now I'm 28.

6.  Dov'è Termini?
Anyone, anyone?

7.  Why do you have two middle names?
Because on my planet we give all the promising ones two middle names.  That's how we weed out the aliens that will be sent to earth to conquer your people.

8.  Wow, you teach Italian?  That's cool.  So have you ever been to Italy?
Nope.

9.  How did you know you wanted to study Italian?
How did you know you wanted to study what you study?

10.  You're an Italian professor?  What's that like?
It's thrilling.  Most days I read books in French, translate them into German, and then recite them aloud in pig latin to my officemates.  My other degree is in cynicism . . . I think that's where I really excel.