Here in Cefalù most people have learned that there are certain things you always do, sometimes do, and never do at the beach. Then there are people who are completely clueless and make me hate them (on a side note, my desired secret power to to paralyze people with my death glare). I am not at all frugal with my death glare and here are some of the things that might warrant it.
1. When it's windy and you pick up your towel and shake your sand all over me, I will give you a death glare. Likewise, if you walk by in flip flops and flip sand all over me, I will give you a death glare. Finally, if your child runs by me, kicking sand onto me repeatedly I will give you a death glare.
2. If you are making out with your significant other and I have to listen / watch / be witness I will give you a death glare and then get up and move. You are gross and I don't want to hear your slurping noises.
3. If you insist on chain smoking and blowing the smoke in my face I will give you a death glare, cough like I caught the plague, and then glare at you again. Next year I'm going to get a bikini with a giant picture of my rotting lungs from your second hand smoke, how do you feel about that?!
4. If you wear swim trunks and roll them up like they're a speedo I will give you a death glare and then wonder why you didn't just buy the speedo?
5. If you and your sixty five annoying fifteen year old friends opt to sit right next to me and annoy me I will give you a death glare and possibly give you a lecture on why you're annoying.
On the other hand, there are many things that will attract my "please, lay your things here in my vicinity" smile.
1. If you have yummy smelling sunscreen and you reapply at a reasonable interval, you will attract my "please, lay your things here in my vicinity" smile.
2. If you organize your belongings nicely, lay yourself down, and read quietly or chat with friends, you will attract my "please, lay your things here in my vicinity" smile.
3. If your kids are super cute and you're not an annoying overbearing parent (or one who has no control whatsoever), you will attract my "please, lay your things here in my vicinity" smile.
4. If you go swimming, drip all over me and then apologize, you will attract my "please, lay your things here in my vicinity" smile.
5. If you are normal and don't stare oddly at me, you will attract my "please, lay your things here in my vicinity" smile.
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