And this is only halfway

Tomorrow my best friend Jeff will return to his birthplace of Italy accompanied by tour guide and translator, Jessica.  We will then proceed to spend ten days in true Jeff and Jessica fashion as we make our way across Lazio, through Tuscany, and then finishing with a grand finale in Sicily.  I expect this will finally be the wake up call for BravoTV to give me my own reality show.  

In honor of Jeffrey's impending visit, I will now recount the top five funniest moments of my trip so far......and this is only halfway!

1.  Today as I ate lunch at Non solo pane with Susannah a VERY creepy Italian (dressed from head to toe in powder blue) stared at us up and down the street.  And then proceeded to follow us.  He also tried to hold my hand, kiss me, and tell me it was destiny that brought us together.  Uh, no sicky mcsickerson, it was the voices in your head telling you that you're normal.

2.  I often sit in the administrative offices of a friend and check my email, use skype, etc.  There are also a graphic designer and an architect who share this space.  Today, the graphic designer is apparently suffering from some kind of intestinal parasite.  As I write this, I am being serenaded by a symphony of burts and farts and groans.  Lovely.  Glad I'm not shut up in there with him.

3.  A few weeks ago I went with some friends to a bar where one of them was received as a god.  Apparently his tattoos were so amazing that they made several of the locals kiss his tattooed arms.  Weird.

4.  Last night, in true Italian fashion, I got to witness the ultimate screaming fight.  My lovely neighbors were fighting for hours.  I got home around 1ish and they were still going strong at 3:30.  The girl kept claiming "You've ruined everything!" then slapping the boy, then storming out in a huff, and then pounding on the door since she failed to bring her keys with her.  Here's a tip honey, if you're going to storm out, storm out.  If you're going to keep coming back, bring your keys with you.  

5.  At a recent wine tasting several Germans got themselves so drunky drunk that they tried to translate directly and ended up talking about all sorts of crazy sex stuff.  It was a little awkward, a lot funny, and just a tiny bit weird all at the same time.  Rumor has it no one made it to class in top fashion the next morning.