Honeymoon Island.

I've come up with a new brilliant idea (which I shall soon patent and then live off the royalties): Honeymoon Island.  Not too fast now, it's not just for newlyweds, it's for all of you who feel the need to broadcast your sloppy PDA to the world.  Guess what?  We (read I, but one must remember that in this blog I'm the only one who matters) don't want to see it.  It makes us (refer to previous parenthetical notation) want to barf and then gouge our eyes and ears out.  That is why for the low low price of $50/day you can go to Honeymoon Island where everyone will be all over each other all the time but you won't care because all you focus on is yourself anyway.

Not sold yet?  Here are some of the perks of Honeymoon Island.

1.  SEMI PRIVATE ROOMS.  Ok, so you have to share your room with six other couples, but you won't even notice because while you make out in front of me and hang all over each other you are completely oblivious to the death glares and gagging sounds I'm making, so I'm sure you won't even notice the other people in the room.

2.  JELLYFISH INFESTED BEACHES.  Perhaps this will teach you to stand in the water making out while poor innocent children point and stare and while the rest of us (or maybe just me, but somewhere in the world I'm sure there are people who share my sentiments) turn up the music on the ipod and try to block out our peripheral vision as we read our books.

3.  ALL MEALS ARE "SERVICE FOR ONE."  I know I love going to a restaurant and watching you sit on your partner's lap and eat off of one plate even though there are seven different plates of food on your table.  I especially love it when you cleanse your palates with each others' tongues in between courses.  This special service will provide you with one chair, one plate, and one fork.  The savings just keep rolling in!

4.  NO SPA TREATMENTS OFFERED.  Watching you straddle each other at the beach and massage each other in plain daylight makes even the little kids gag.  Here on Honeymoon Island we know you won't use our spa services so we've cut them all together.  Just another way we're saving you money!

5.  NO REFUNDS, NO DISCUSSIONS, NO QUESTIONS.  Chances are you'll start fighting and hating each other in about five minutes, and we don't want to hear about it.  All payments are due up front and in full.  If you break up or get divorced before you get here, we don't care.  If you break up while you're here, please don't talk to us about it.  If you get here and you're completely disgusted by the repugnant displays of affection that are taking place all around you, welcome to how I feel.

Thank you and good night.