Early onset menopause?!

It's day 89435 of 100+ degree temperatures and I think I'm on the verge of cracking.  Here's the thing: I'm aware that I live in Texas (read devil's wasteland) and it's supposed to be hot.  BUT, am I supposed to suffer from back sweat inside?  The correct answer is no, yet I've been hot every day for the last 12 days straight and there are only three options: early onset menopause (yikes), pregnancy by immaculate conception (I'm not sure I should be birthing any saviors), or Texas is so freaking cheap they refuse to air condition the inside.  Let us explore, shall we?

Option 1: Early onset menopause
I'm only 29 but there is a grand possibility that my body, having watched 800 episodes of Say Yes to the Dress, Four Weddings, and Bridezillas, has given up on the possibility of marriage and a family.  Feeling there's no use in the continuation of female internal processes, it may have made a command decision to just retire and head to Florida with all it's other buddies.  Irrational?  No, not really.  Likely?  No, not really.

Option 2: Pregnancy by immaculate conception
Considering my situation (see above) I'm guessing that there's about a 0.00001% chance I'm pregnant (and that's generous) but you never know, right?  Are we in need of a new savior?  Did I get voted in as carrier of aforementioned savior?  Probably not.

Option 3: Cheap cheap Texas
It's been 107 for (1, 2, 3, 4 . . . ) everyday for as long as I can remember.  So why are we skimping on the AC people?  Not that I'm rolling in dough, but I'm happy to donate a few dollars a month to the electric bill if that's what it's going to take.  Is it acceptable for me to be sitting in my office, completely still, not exerting any energy, and feeling hot?  NO!  How am I supposed to win over the little freshman if I feel a little drop of sweat forming on my brow . . .  every ten seconds? Do you realize how uncomfortable it is to write on a chalkboard when you're pretty sure it's not a good idea to raise your arms?  How am I supposed to be taken seriously?  Sure, the students come in their gym clothes and tissue paper cover-ups, but I'm thinking the university might not appreciate it if I do.  Therefore, I am issuing this ultimatum:  Either turn up the AC or Jessica shows up naked next Friday.  That'll show you what "spirit Friday" means to me.  And just to show I support the university, I'll wear a green ribbon in my hair.

Thank you and goodnight.