Tonight I had a super fun dinner with great friends and hysterical conversation. As sometimes happens, the conversation eventually turned to why I'm single and what I might need to do to change that situation. Here's what was decided.
1. I'm too picky.
2. I'm not picky enough.
3. I got sidetracked in college when everyone else seemed to be pairing off.
4. I got sidetracked in graduate school when all the people with advanced degrees seemed to be pairing off.
5. I got sidetracked in the second round of graduate school when the people with multiple advanced degrees seemed to be pairing off.
6. I'm too into sports - apparently boys don't want to date girls who know more about football than they do.
7. I'm too educated - it's hard to find boys who are into extremely educated girls.
Well I don't think it's too much to ask that a boy would like a nice smart girl who understands a 4-3 defense. I should be a great catch! So get it together gentlemen!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Monday, September 26, 2011
"I just don't understand why anyone would go into IT"
As I sit here and wait for my mom's 1700 songs to upload to her hard drive, I figured I'd update you on the second half of our technological endeavor.
So my mom got the ipod loaded with the 1700 songs from the PC and I tried to walk her through uploading them via a 3rd party program to the Mac. Well, we got them on the hard drive (after about 87 tries and a lot of sighing and grunting) and now we think they're just copying from the itunes folder to the playlist.....although we're not sure and have decided we did enough for today and will "consult" tomorrow if it's not working.
As my mom says, "I just don't know why anyone would go into IT." We just find it super exhausting. Ugh, technology!
So my mom got the ipod loaded with the 1700 songs from the PC and I tried to walk her through uploading them via a 3rd party program to the Mac. Well, we got them on the hard drive (after about 87 tries and a lot of sighing and grunting) and now we think they're just copying from the itunes folder to the playlist.....although we're not sure and have decided we did enough for today and will "consult" tomorrow if it's not working.
As my mom says, "I just don't know why anyone would go into IT." We just find it super exhausting. Ugh, technology!
Technology is evil
Those of you who know me know how incredibly technologically adept I am. Or not. So, why is it that my mother comes to me with technology questions? Not sure.....but it's always funny after. Here's out latest episode.
My mom calls me on the phone and then promptly says, "Hang up, I'm calling you on skype." Ok, so now we're on the skype and having a non conversation but making sort of weird faces at each other because there's not really anything to say. Until she decides we should try and figure out what's wrong with Fred's ipod. So I start walking her through the steps to transfer ipod and itunes accounts, senuti, uploading, downloading, blah blah blah. "Wait," she says, "I'm going to sign in as Fred. But don't go away, I'll call you on his skype. Or maybe you'll just stay here? Or will it make you hang up?" Well that went on for about thirty seconds until we finally hung up and she called back from Fred's skype account. But with no sound. So here I am trying to talk her through unmuting her microphone, trying to read her lips, watching her shake her head yes she can hear me but no she doesn't see the mute icon illuminated. Ok, so then I get the brilliant idea to call her and talk her though unmuting skype which then deafened us both because we were both on skype and speaker phone at the same time. Cut to a few minutes later she figures out how to fix the sound, but not the video.
Ok, finally we're both seeing, hearing, and listening to each other. Good. Ok, so now I've sent her this magic program and but to the wrong email. Ok, whatever, we'll figure this out later, now let's get the ipod synced with this computer, ready to go. Ok, we get it going, find the missing files, everything is good but now we need the magic computer program that of course, is on the other account, so we finally realize, now we'll just send it to this particular email. Ok, so we got that going, opened up, we explore home sharing, wifi, uploads, downloads, blah blah, blah and now we realize, whoopsie, we really need Mom to go upstairs and plug the ipod into the other computer, get those files, then come back and use the magic program to upload those files onto the new program. Ok, "hold on, I'm going to plug this in and then call you back when it's ready. But while we're waiting, can you make my scanner work?" OBVIOUSLY NOT!
Well, stay tuned, because we're only halfway through this file transfer process and I'm basically talking her through it by just making her click on every single menu option until something finally works.
This is why we should all still be making mix tapes and going to the public library for beach reading materials.
My mom calls me on the phone and then promptly says, "Hang up, I'm calling you on skype." Ok, so now we're on the skype and having a non conversation but making sort of weird faces at each other because there's not really anything to say. Until she decides we should try and figure out what's wrong with Fred's ipod. So I start walking her through the steps to transfer ipod and itunes accounts, senuti, uploading, downloading, blah blah blah. "Wait," she says, "I'm going to sign in as Fred. But don't go away, I'll call you on his skype. Or maybe you'll just stay here? Or will it make you hang up?" Well that went on for about thirty seconds until we finally hung up and she called back from Fred's skype account. But with no sound. So here I am trying to talk her through unmuting her microphone, trying to read her lips, watching her shake her head yes she can hear me but no she doesn't see the mute icon illuminated. Ok, so then I get the brilliant idea to call her and talk her though unmuting skype which then deafened us both because we were both on skype and speaker phone at the same time. Cut to a few minutes later she figures out how to fix the sound, but not the video.
Ok, finally we're both seeing, hearing, and listening to each other. Good. Ok, so now I've sent her this magic program and but to the wrong email. Ok, whatever, we'll figure this out later, now let's get the ipod synced with this computer, ready to go. Ok, we get it going, find the missing files, everything is good but now we need the magic computer program that of course, is on the other account, so we finally realize, now we'll just send it to this particular email. Ok, so we got that going, opened up, we explore home sharing, wifi, uploads, downloads, blah blah, blah and now we realize, whoopsie, we really need Mom to go upstairs and plug the ipod into the other computer, get those files, then come back and use the magic program to upload those files onto the new program. Ok, "hold on, I'm going to plug this in and then call you back when it's ready. But while we're waiting, can you make my scanner work?" OBVIOUSLY NOT!
Well, stay tuned, because we're only halfway through this file transfer process and I'm basically talking her through it by just making her click on every single menu option until something finally works.
This is why we should all still be making mix tapes and going to the public library for beach reading materials.
Friday, September 16, 2011
Ridiculous Reasoning
As a single girl whose friends are mostly married and working on kids (sometimes even kid 2, 3, or 4) people often offer their unsolicited opinions as to why I'm lucky to be single. Well, I suppose it's better than being told where I need to go or what I need to do to find Mr. Right, but still, most of stuff is just ridiculous. Here are some examples.
1. "You're so lucky you're single. I'm have to do laundry all the time."
You're so right. Us single girls, we don't wash our clothes. We just wear the dirty ones over and over. It's probably why we're still single.
2. "You're so lucky you're single. I hate cooking for more than one person."
Well, you probably don't remember this because your blinded by your wedded bliss, but recipes don't usually come in single serving directions. And us single girls have to eat the same crap for days on end because there's only one of us to eat it.
3. "You're so lucky you're single. You always get to pick the movie."
Yes, and while I don't mind going to the movies alone, have you ever tried to go to a Friday night opening of some blockbuster movie by yourself? Not as fun. We single gals make use of the $5 first showing special and end up wasting away the sunshine hours in a dark over air conditioned theater because you paired off kind dominate the nighttime showings.
4. "You're so lucky you're single. You don't have to clean up after anyone."
Except myself. And unless you're talking about your kids, maybe you shouldn't have married someone who doesn't know how to clean up after himself. Or maybe that's one of those things you should have discussed before marriage: "I love you, but I will not clean up after you because as soon as you say 'I do' you will forget how to put things in the trash, wash dishes, put dirty clothes in the hamper, or flush the toilet." I know there's some give and take, but those deal breaker type things probably should have been discussed up front.
5. "You're so luck you're single. I have to do everything around my house."
Good point. I, who live alone, delegate my daily chores to my forty-seven cats. At least you have two people to split stuff! I have to take out the trash AND get the mail (and if you know me at all you'll know how much I hate hate hate getting the mail).
So, paired off people, before you tell me why I'm so lucky, just put a little thought into what you're going to say to me.
1. "You're so lucky you're single. I'm have to do laundry all the time."
You're so right. Us single girls, we don't wash our clothes. We just wear the dirty ones over and over. It's probably why we're still single.
2. "You're so lucky you're single. I hate cooking for more than one person."
Well, you probably don't remember this because your blinded by your wedded bliss, but recipes don't usually come in single serving directions. And us single girls have to eat the same crap for days on end because there's only one of us to eat it.
3. "You're so lucky you're single. You always get to pick the movie."
Yes, and while I don't mind going to the movies alone, have you ever tried to go to a Friday night opening of some blockbuster movie by yourself? Not as fun. We single gals make use of the $5 first showing special and end up wasting away the sunshine hours in a dark over air conditioned theater because you paired off kind dominate the nighttime showings.
4. "You're so lucky you're single. You don't have to clean up after anyone."
Except myself. And unless you're talking about your kids, maybe you shouldn't have married someone who doesn't know how to clean up after himself. Or maybe that's one of those things you should have discussed before marriage: "I love you, but I will not clean up after you because as soon as you say 'I do' you will forget how to put things in the trash, wash dishes, put dirty clothes in the hamper, or flush the toilet." I know there's some give and take, but those deal breaker type things probably should have been discussed up front.
5. "You're so luck you're single. I have to do everything around my house."
Good point. I, who live alone, delegate my daily chores to my forty-seven cats. At least you have two people to split stuff! I have to take out the trash AND get the mail (and if you know me at all you'll know how much I hate hate hate getting the mail).
So, paired off people, before you tell me why I'm so lucky, just put a little thought into what you're going to say to me.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Another argument for teleportation
Everyone knows that Thanksgiving is the WORST time to travel. Why? Several reasons: I'm not a fan of the holiday in general, it's the start of the worst music ever (Christmas music, sorry Andrea), it's a four day weekend which isn't really that much time to travel, and everyone is cranky because they've got seventeen crying kids in tow. Plus it's cold and snowy, which screws up the flights. But since I'm such a good friend, I decided to find my winter clothes, ignore my hatred of 24/7 Christmas music and go to Pittsburgh to see the Aloe family. Actually, in all honesty, visiting the Aloes makes all the bad parts go away, so it should be a great trip. So I used my credit card points and bought a ticket on August 9th like a responsible traveler. Great.
Today, September 8, I got an email from the credit card company saying that I needed to call because there was a change in my itinerary. Ok, well, that was at 11 and I was at work, so I figured I'd call when I got home. Then at 1 I got another email saying that my problems had been resolved and there was no need to call. Lovely, my to do list is long enough.
When I got home I checked my email and guess what I found? First of all my original ticket was for a departure on Wednesday and a return on Saturday. Stupid Frontier airlines (who canceled my mom's tickets twice in the past) decided to cancel their flights to Pittsburgh the day before Thanksgiving. Is that not the stupidest thing you've ever heard?! Ok, fine. But when I took a closer look, they'd also changed my return flight to Friday. Ok, in what world is it ok to make a 4 day trip an overnight? And in what world would you think that a person traveling the day before Thanksgiving would then want to travel on the holiday itself arriving in the afternoon?
Ok, so I call the credit card company and guess what they tell me? "Oh, sorry miss but it looks like everything is pretty much sold out on Wednesday." Oh really?! Of course it is! Because all the smart people like me bought those tickets. Ugh, ok, so forty five minutes later I'm still on the phone waiting for the woman to get approval from the airline for them to give me a refund (in points not dollars and that won't be credited to my account for a few days, so it's not like I can buy another ticket with points today). Fine, so finally I get it all squared away and then sit down to buy yet another ticket (oh how I love scouring the discount travel sites).
So here is my conclusion: we should all be traveling in tiny particles, instantaneously, only to be put together on the other side with as much luggage and liquids as we want. Don't you agree?!
Today, September 8, I got an email from the credit card company saying that I needed to call because there was a change in my itinerary. Ok, well, that was at 11 and I was at work, so I figured I'd call when I got home. Then at 1 I got another email saying that my problems had been resolved and there was no need to call. Lovely, my to do list is long enough.
When I got home I checked my email and guess what I found? First of all my original ticket was for a departure on Wednesday and a return on Saturday. Stupid Frontier airlines (who canceled my mom's tickets twice in the past) decided to cancel their flights to Pittsburgh the day before Thanksgiving. Is that not the stupidest thing you've ever heard?! Ok, fine. But when I took a closer look, they'd also changed my return flight to Friday. Ok, in what world is it ok to make a 4 day trip an overnight? And in what world would you think that a person traveling the day before Thanksgiving would then want to travel on the holiday itself arriving in the afternoon?
Ok, so I call the credit card company and guess what they tell me? "Oh, sorry miss but it looks like everything is pretty much sold out on Wednesday." Oh really?! Of course it is! Because all the smart people like me bought those tickets. Ugh, ok, so forty five minutes later I'm still on the phone waiting for the woman to get approval from the airline for them to give me a refund (in points not dollars and that won't be credited to my account for a few days, so it's not like I can buy another ticket with points today). Fine, so finally I get it all squared away and then sit down to buy yet another ticket (oh how I love scouring the discount travel sites).
So here is my conclusion: we should all be traveling in tiny particles, instantaneously, only to be put together on the other side with as much luggage and liquids as we want. Don't you agree?!
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Beam me up, Scotty.
I generally don't preach my conspiracy theories, but can we all agree that beam--me-up-technology is probably developed but being kept under wraps so the airline industry doesn't tank any more than it already has? If you don't agree, think about it for a while.....I promise you'll be on my side in about an hour.
I had the lovely pleasure to travel to Baltimore this weekend and I'm pretty sure I got to experience every nasty, annoying, stupid thing people do when they are cattle herded, shoeless and beltless, through giant metal detectors that are probably giving us all cancer. I could go on forever, but here are the top 5 most annoying things that happened last night.
1. The man behind me in the security line seemed to have some kind of turrets (at least I hope so because otherwise there's no excuse). Every 3.2 seconds he hiccuped, burped (read big fat beer belch), farted, gurgled, or spit into his handkerchief. It was disgusting. And to top it all off, he wouldn't cover his mouth so he was blowing all his yuckiness toward the back of my head....ewww.
2. The big haired Dallas woman who plopped down next to me, removed her shoes, and propped her bare, peeling feet on her suitcase (about 2 feet away from my bagel) felt the need to clear her throat every 90 seconds. And when I say "clear her throat" I mean she made some kind of super deep, old man grumble in her throat that made our whole bench shake. Lovely. I pretty much wanted to wipe cream cheese all over her feet and then make her swallow a whole bag of cough drops.
3. The sweaty man next to me, the same one who refused to remove his cowboy hat (which was accompanied by grey gym shorts and a matching threadbare tshirt) insisted on leaning on me the whole flight. That and updating his facebook status every five minutes with how many miles we'd traveled. I know in-flight WiFi is a new cool thing, but are you so important that an update needs to be made every three minutes? I think not.
4. Listen, this whole boarding zones thing is a racket. I don't get it....there's no rhyme or reason to how you get put into a zone, but whatever. Back to my point. When your plane is delayed an hour and you want to get home on the late night Monday of the three day weekend, why do you think you're the only one who should get on the plane first? And why do you get to take three bags on when the rest of us get one and a "personal time"? But please, run your raggedy a** suitcase over my feet and cut in front of the other twenty people in line, it's all about you. Go ahead, really, it's fine.
5. When you run an airport, you may have heard that accessible exits are an important aspect of public safety. So, when my plane (stuffed with 187 people) gets in an hour and a half late at 11:00pm and we all want to go home, why have you dismantled the main exit door? Thanks for making us all squish one by one through a geriatric revolving door. I love waiting for 20 minutes just to get out of the secure zone. Way to go DFW....I hate your signage, your stupid tolls, and now I hate your exit doors.
So now, I prefer to only travel through Star Trek technology. Who's with me?
I had the lovely pleasure to travel to Baltimore this weekend and I'm pretty sure I got to experience every nasty, annoying, stupid thing people do when they are cattle herded, shoeless and beltless, through giant metal detectors that are probably giving us all cancer. I could go on forever, but here are the top 5 most annoying things that happened last night.
1. The man behind me in the security line seemed to have some kind of turrets (at least I hope so because otherwise there's no excuse). Every 3.2 seconds he hiccuped, burped (read big fat beer belch), farted, gurgled, or spit into his handkerchief. It was disgusting. And to top it all off, he wouldn't cover his mouth so he was blowing all his yuckiness toward the back of my head....ewww.
2. The big haired Dallas woman who plopped down next to me, removed her shoes, and propped her bare, peeling feet on her suitcase (about 2 feet away from my bagel) felt the need to clear her throat every 90 seconds. And when I say "clear her throat" I mean she made some kind of super deep, old man grumble in her throat that made our whole bench shake. Lovely. I pretty much wanted to wipe cream cheese all over her feet and then make her swallow a whole bag of cough drops.
3. The sweaty man next to me, the same one who refused to remove his cowboy hat (which was accompanied by grey gym shorts and a matching threadbare tshirt) insisted on leaning on me the whole flight. That and updating his facebook status every five minutes with how many miles we'd traveled. I know in-flight WiFi is a new cool thing, but are you so important that an update needs to be made every three minutes? I think not.
4. Listen, this whole boarding zones thing is a racket. I don't get it....there's no rhyme or reason to how you get put into a zone, but whatever. Back to my point. When your plane is delayed an hour and you want to get home on the late night Monday of the three day weekend, why do you think you're the only one who should get on the plane first? And why do you get to take three bags on when the rest of us get one and a "personal time"? But please, run your raggedy a** suitcase over my feet and cut in front of the other twenty people in line, it's all about you. Go ahead, really, it's fine.
5. When you run an airport, you may have heard that accessible exits are an important aspect of public safety. So, when my plane (stuffed with 187 people) gets in an hour and a half late at 11:00pm and we all want to go home, why have you dismantled the main exit door? Thanks for making us all squish one by one through a geriatric revolving door. I love waiting for 20 minutes just to get out of the secure zone. Way to go DFW....I hate your signage, your stupid tolls, and now I hate your exit doors.
So now, I prefer to only travel through Star Trek technology. Who's with me?
Friday, September 2, 2011
Early onset menopause?!
It's day 89435 of 100+ degree temperatures and I think I'm on the verge of cracking. Here's the thing: I'm aware that I live in Texas (read devil's wasteland) and it's supposed to be hot. BUT, am I supposed to suffer from back sweat inside? The correct answer is no, yet I've been hot every day for the last 12 days straight and there are only three options: early onset menopause (yikes), pregnancy by immaculate conception (I'm not sure I should be birthing any saviors), or Texas is so freaking cheap they refuse to air condition the inside. Let us explore, shall we?
Option 1: Early onset menopause
I'm only 29 but there is a grand possibility that my body, having watched 800 episodes of Say Yes to the Dress, Four Weddings, and Bridezillas, has given up on the possibility of marriage and a family. Feeling there's no use in the continuation of female internal processes, it may have made a command decision to just retire and head to Florida with all it's other buddies. Irrational? No, not really. Likely? No, not really.
Option 2: Pregnancy by immaculate conception
Considering my situation (see above) I'm guessing that there's about a 0.00001% chance I'm pregnant (and that's generous) but you never know, right? Are we in need of a new savior? Did I get voted in as carrier of aforementioned savior? Probably not.
Option 3: Cheap cheap Texas
It's been 107 for (1, 2, 3, 4 . . . ) everyday for as long as I can remember. So why are we skimping on the AC people? Not that I'm rolling in dough, but I'm happy to donate a few dollars a month to the electric bill if that's what it's going to take. Is it acceptable for me to be sitting in my office, completely still, not exerting any energy, and feeling hot? NO! How am I supposed to win over the little freshman if I feel a little drop of sweat forming on my brow . . . every ten seconds? Do you realize how uncomfortable it is to write on a chalkboard when you're pretty sure it's not a good idea to raise your arms? How am I supposed to be taken seriously? Sure, the students come in their gym clothes and tissue paper cover-ups, but I'm thinking the university might not appreciate it if I do. Therefore, I am issuing this ultimatum: Either turn up the AC or Jessica shows up naked next Friday. That'll show you what "spirit Friday" means to me. And just to show I support the university, I'll wear a green ribbon in my hair.
Thank you and goodnight.
Option 1: Early onset menopause
I'm only 29 but there is a grand possibility that my body, having watched 800 episodes of Say Yes to the Dress, Four Weddings, and Bridezillas, has given up on the possibility of marriage and a family. Feeling there's no use in the continuation of female internal processes, it may have made a command decision to just retire and head to Florida with all it's other buddies. Irrational? No, not really. Likely? No, not really.
Option 2: Pregnancy by immaculate conception
Considering my situation (see above) I'm guessing that there's about a 0.00001% chance I'm pregnant (and that's generous) but you never know, right? Are we in need of a new savior? Did I get voted in as carrier of aforementioned savior? Probably not.
Option 3: Cheap cheap Texas
It's been 107 for (1, 2, 3, 4 . . . ) everyday for as long as I can remember. So why are we skimping on the AC people? Not that I'm rolling in dough, but I'm happy to donate a few dollars a month to the electric bill if that's what it's going to take. Is it acceptable for me to be sitting in my office, completely still, not exerting any energy, and feeling hot? NO! How am I supposed to win over the little freshman if I feel a little drop of sweat forming on my brow . . . every ten seconds? Do you realize how uncomfortable it is to write on a chalkboard when you're pretty sure it's not a good idea to raise your arms? How am I supposed to be taken seriously? Sure, the students come in their gym clothes and tissue paper cover-ups, but I'm thinking the university might not appreciate it if I do. Therefore, I am issuing this ultimatum: Either turn up the AC or Jessica shows up naked next Friday. That'll show you what "spirit Friday" means to me. And just to show I support the university, I'll wear a green ribbon in my hair.
Thank you and goodnight.
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