It turns out that a lot of time people think I'm kidding when I say things. I rarely say something I don't mean....and if I do, you'll know because I'll say "just kidding." Having said so, here are another few things I don't believe in (and that are somehow still surprising to people).
1. Wal-Mart. Why is this so hard to believe? Even my students have figured out that I should be the SuperTarget spokesmodel. Pretty much everything I own comes from SuperTarget and I NEVER go into Wal-Mart. I don't even like the parking lot!
2. Parking lot stop signs. They're stupid and the only three accidents I've ever been in (knock on wood....and none of which were my fault) happened in parking lots because stupid people get more stupid in small confined areas.
3. Naps. I realize that the smarter people in the world incorporate naps into their daily lives (see Italians) but they just don't work for me. I can't go to sleep quickly and I won't wake up after 20 minutes of "power sleep." If I take a nap, I'll be out for at least four hours and what's the point of wasting that much of my day? I'd rather drink a coke and keep going.
4. Black ink. If given any choice, I will never write in black ink. I don't think that's weird at all, I don't understand why other people do. I am also loyal to pens. I carry around the same pen and will use only that pen until all of the ink is gone. Again, this is not weird....it's common sense. Why would you have twenty-seven half used ink pens rolling around the bottom of your purse when you could have one pen and always know where it is?
5. Baths. Gross. Why would you purposefully sit in a tub of your own filth and skin cells? What is relaxing about that?
6. Putting my head in the ocean or entering a lake at all. I've been spending the summers in Cefalù for close to seven, eight years now. I think I've put my head under water three times. And that was all last summer. Fish poop in the ocean and beach goers pee in it. At least the ocean sort of self cleans itself. Lakes do not. I don't even know if I've ever been in a lake. Stagnant brown water doesn't do it for me. I love chlorine.
7. Jumping on the fad boat. If you know me at all you'll know I prefer things vintage (read I don't get on board with things until they've been around for a while and everyone else has moved onto to something else).
8. Flourescent lighting. Joe versus the volcano anyone?
9. Stupid games. My life is too busy for me to spend time indulging you in stupid mind games. Either own up to the fact that you're scheming to get something or don't (I don't really care) but don't play stupid games and be wishy washy. It's annoying and it wastes my time.
10. Powdered eggs. Don't ever eat eggs on an airplane. In what world do you think adding water to a yellowish powder produces a naturally occurring substance?
So ladies and gents, hopefully next time you won't shriek in horror the next time I drive right through some meaningless parking lot stop sign or drive 34 miles out of my way to go to SuperTarget instead of Wal-Mart. This is my world. Welcome. Passwords will be distributed at the next meeting.
re: #8 - Brain cloud
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