Yesterday I took my little sister, Nevaeh, to the Fort Worth zoo (along with the entire rest of DFW) and I realized how much other people annoy me. And not only the kids! If you know me at all, I actually love kids. When I worked as a swim coach I worked magic with the 9-10 year old boys. I loved them, they loved me, it was a big giant love fest. However, when you put 10,000 kids in a space that only holds about 500, even the cute ones become annoying.
I'm sure when it's your child, it's adorable that your two year old is too short to see over the top of the stroller but insists on pushing it......into everyone. But you know what, when it's not your kid and you're trying to keep track of the one you brought, being hit repeatedly in the ankles is just plain obnoxious.
Again, when it's your child, I'm sure there's nothing cuter than watching your three year old latch onto the leg of a stranger. But when said stranger is trying to chase their own runaway three year old, it stops being cute and starts being a problem.
If you child is a thrower, don't hand him things as you approach an animal exhibit. Then you will be yelled at when he throws said object at the animal and you'll be yelled at again when you climb over the railing to try and retrieve it. I'm not sure if you noticed, but these are wild animals living in captivity (something that I'm not sure thrills them) and they'd be happy to use you as a demonstration for why they're kept behind fences.
When your child is too young to be able to walk for hours on end, it's a good idea to bring a stroller or wagon for said child. It is not, however, a good idea to ignore the ramps and try to roll your stroller down the stairs. You're not only clogging traffic but also showering the sidewalk with diapers, wipes, goldfish crackers, and extra clothing.
If your child is too young to spot animals, please help them. Nevaeh is a better person than I am and stopped to help each young child spot the animals hiding in corners or camouflaging themselves to hide from the eye.....but she's nine and you're an adult who decided you were responsible enough parent a child. Please parent them now by showing them the animals so Nevaeh doesn't have to.
Finally, I'd like to give a big shout out to the Fort Worth Zoo for picking the horniest of all animals and putting them on display. Please see exhibit A:
Mr. Zebra felt the need to show off his goods.....and do tricks with it. While very entertaining and amusing to the more mature viewing audience, the younger members all asked in unison: "What?" "Nothing let's go see the tortoises." Guess what they were doing? Trying to make babies. And the orangutans. As well as the penguins. So, my recommendation is this: if you're having trouble talking to your kids about sex, take them to the Fort Worth Zoo. Apparently it's a big giant sex fest.
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