My superpowers

Hello children.  I have a theory that everyone has at least one superpower (or at least the people that natural selection isn't trying to kill off stealthily).  Some people (like me) have several - I know, I'm amazing; it's ok, you can admit it.  I'm sure you're now wondering what my superpowers are.  I will list them for you now (has anyone figured out that this is my tribute to Baz Luhrmann?).

1.  SUPER SENSES - My mother thinks it's weird that I smell and touch everything, but you can't deny your nature now, can you?  And I can hear things that no one else can (perhaps I was oringally slated for a dog or something?).....including whispering students' voices who think they're outsmarting their professoressa, sneaky texting students who don't think I can tell that they're infatuated with some senseless texting convo. inside their backpack while I'm trying to impart wisdom and knowledge.  I used to think it was just my sense of smell, but it turns out it's all of my senses.  I think I was probably supposed to be some kind of caped superheroine but then I somehow mistakenly got lost and went to graduate school instead.  Whoopsie.  Whatever, SUPER DOCTOR is a fine title.  That is the only name I will respond to come May.

2.  ULTRA MAGNETISM - If you know me at all, you've probably come to realize that I attract quite a few.....weirdos (not you of course, it's everyone else).  For some reason, I was entrusted with an ability to seek out all the freaks in the world and then make them comfortable enough to profess a never ending stream of inappropriate comments (again, this is not you, it's everyone else).  I'm sure this trait will come in handy one of these days......I just haven't figured out how yet.

3.  SUPER OBSERVATION - Turns out that observation is not a skill with which everyone is blessed.  It's a shame really, you have no idea how handy it is to be able to know strange details of peoples' lives after a five minute conversation or a two minute perusal of their facebook page.  I also think people don't realize that I can listen and remember.  If you tell me something once, I'll remember.  Therefore, my dearest darling students, don't lie to professoressa......I will ALWAYS know you're lying.  Even if I let you lie, it will come back to bite you in the butt one day.  You've been warned.

So, friends, what are your superpowers?  I think we should pool our resources and take over the world.