It's not always greener

Dear students: Once again, you've made that oh so annoying mistake of forgetting that all (yes, each and every single one) of your teachers has taken more finals than you can ever dream of, and that you complaining to us about it does nothing in your attempt to make us feel bad for you.  But here is something else to consider: you will take 4, 5, 6 finals this week?  You'll spend the next day or two cramming the information that we were hoping you would have been reviewing all along, and then you'll spit it out on the paper, turn it in, forget most of that oh so valuable knowledge and move on.  What do you think I will be doing for the next few days?  GRADING!  COMPUTING FINAL GRADES!  MAKING THE WORLD'S LARGEST PAPER TRAIL SO THAT IF YOU, FOR WHATEVER REASON, THINK I'VE ARBITRARILY ASSIGNED THE WRONG GRADE TO YOU, I CAN GO BACK AND ACCOUNT FOR EACH AND EVERY TENTH OF A PERCENTAGE POINT THAT HAS CONTRIBUTED TO THAT GRADE!

Let's look at my semester as an example.  This semester I taught 4 courses, coordinated 9, and managed 3 part time instructors.  That means, not only will I grade 27 7+ page papers, I'll also grade 40 6 page exams and 14 6 page finals.  Then I will compute grades, compile them, store them away in my super secret stash (where they'll stay for 7 years until I can finally dispose of them confidentially) and then collect the grades, exams, and paperwork from the other instructors of Italian.  You, by that time, will be on your way home to eat mom's chocolate chip cookies, complain about the impossible hearing of your Italian professor who caught you texting each and every time you did it in class, and adamantly refuse to acknowledge that the syllabus did in fact explain that your lack of attendance would result in a 0 in the attendance grade.

Obviously we teachers will grade our little hearts out and only complain to each other about because we love you....even though you mostly treat us like mildly stinky cheese found in the far corner of your refrigerator.  It's ok though, one day you'll appreciate us.  Or not, whatever.  So, all I'm saying is, we've been there, done that, passed the test, and gone on to now attempt to teach you how to take an exam.  Most of you probably opted not to listen (it's fine, your loss not mine) and will grumble through this test.  One day I'll explain exactly why we test you on things (and no, it has less than nothing to do with trying to make you look bad, forcing you to learn obsolete information, or trying to make it impossible for you to get an A) but for now, please just don't complain to me any more about how hard your finals week is.  I've been doing finals week (in heels, no less) since before you were born and I still look really good doing it.  You'll live.