This morning I was talking to a friend in Italy and he wanted to know how American men "conquistano" women. Well.....perhaps problem number one would be in the translation of that word, but I think it's also worth noting that I'm not convinced there is any conquistamento going on. The more we talked about, the funnier it became. In fact, all I could think of were things you shouldn't do. Here is a sampling.
1. Don't tell me how hot you are. If I hadn't already noticed on my own, you're just not. You "helping me" to see your hotness is just annoying.
2. Telling me how many beers you drank last night is not impressive. It is directly proportionate to how stupid I think you are.
3. I am a very observant person. If I have to ask you more than once what you're looking at, you're out. Believe it or not, I will notice you not looking at my eyes.
4. Bringing me a creepy scalp massager as a gift will not win you points.
5. Feet gross me out, especially boy feet. Please don't touch me with yours.
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