Dear students: perhaps we haven't met. I'm your teacher. My time is very valuable, I'm amazingly intelligent, and I don't appreciate the following comment: "You don't have anything else going on."
Oh really?
Once again, I challenge you to follow me around for one week and see if you haven't broken down into a sloppy pile of tears and quivers on the floor. You could not handle my life. You don't know that because I, unlike you, don't feel the need to wax poetic about how busy I am, how unfair homework is, how stressful college is. Again I ask you.....do you think I haven't been there? Do you think I was born a stunningly stylish, extremely accomplished, amazing effective, fabulous shoe wearing teacher? Of course you do....because apparently no one bothered to teach you about reality.
Just for kicks, let me list for you my Tuesday November 30th to do list. Now, keep in mind that this is today's to do list. It is not everything I need to do this week, month, semester, or year.....it is what must absolutely, no questions asked be done by the end of today.
1. Grade 27 3-page Italian film papers
2. Grade 14 1020 exams
3. Grade 4 exercises/student for 86 students
4. Finish chapter 3 of my dissertation
5. Finish book review, format, edit, submit to UNC
6. Rewrite sponsorship packet for scholarship and external funding committee
7. Schedule scholarships and external funding committee meeting
8. Reserve room for committee meeting
9. Write agenda for committee meeting
10. Speak with university funding office regarding committee fundraising efforts
11. Submit judges bio to Miss Texas Southern Beauty pageant officials
12. Register for Cowtown Half marathon
13. Call Primecaset regarding charges
14. Write Italian quiz
15. Write first draft of 4 final exams
16. Consult SWCOLT Conference treasurer regarding payment for 2 panel presentations
17. Communicate with Italy regarding study abroad housing arrangements
18. Request letter of acknowledgement for Vatican Museum tickets
19. Register for dissertation credit at UNC
20. Communicate with dissertation director regarding dissertation defense date
It's now 4:41pm and I have accomplished only 6 of these items.....meaning that between now and 12:00 when I go to bed I have 16 more items to accomplish in addition to driving home, eating dinner, calling my mother, talking to my roommate, and folding my laundry.
You're right. I have nothing else going on.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Friday, November 26, 2010
When cougars attack....
As many of you know I hate the winter holidays. Everyone gets really stupid, travels in annoying packs, the weather is cold, and there's always drama. Therefore, when I'm queen of the world, there will be no more winter, every holiday will be celebrated with glitter and fireworks and stupid people will be "phased out." Until then, however, I will continue to roll my eyes dramatically at all of the utter stupidity that defines these lovely holidays. Exhibit A:
I was at the airport the other night waiting for my flight to California. I must admit that when going to California there are always some persons of questionable intelligence.....but I attribute that to the ridiculous amount of people that live in California. There's no way to avoid dumbness when your pool is so huge to start with. Anyway, the point is that while still at the airport I was distracted by two events.
Event 1: a group of about 5 guys had clearly indulged in some liquid courage before approaching the boarding area (read: arena of stupidity). They were loud, thought they were funny and smelled like sweat. Winners all the way around, you see.
Event 2: suspicious woman in pink track suit, fake nails, bleach blonde hair teased to the sky carrying unfashionable frock of a jacket arrives wondering where her plane is. She, like everyone else, was on her way to visit family for the holiday but was too dim-witted to realize that when standing in a group of people all holding tickets to the same city, chances are the plane at that gate will be going to your destination. In trying to be forgiving, I realized that maybe she's not a big traveler, but the GIANT SIGN WITH THE NAME OF THE DESTINATION ON IT should have been a clue! For her it was not. Stupid. Again, my friend, I ask you why natural selection hasn't yet done it's job.
Somehow I got lucky enough to sit by one of the aforementioned drunky drunks on the plane....well not next to, but in the same aisle. And then the pink lady (Cindy) arrived. over the next few hours I was lucky enough (and the fact that I didn't vomit and then throw it at them is quite remarkable) to experience her weaving her web of cougarness, cast it, and catch that poor little drunk boy without even knowing what hit him. By the end of the flight he was planning on changing his ticket, abandoning his baggage which had been checked through to Chicago and uprooting his sad little life for this crazy 50 year old woman. Oh and by the way, drunky drunk was 26....so that's nice.
The best part of the whole thing was probably when he chugged a few Jack Daniels minis, had to pee, was afraid to get up, almost peed himself, made out with Cindy, and then had to leap across her and me as soon as the wheels touched the ground to run off to the lavatory. High class courtship folks. Gentlemen, take notes.
I was at the airport the other night waiting for my flight to California. I must admit that when going to California there are always some persons of questionable intelligence.....but I attribute that to the ridiculous amount of people that live in California. There's no way to avoid dumbness when your pool is so huge to start with. Anyway, the point is that while still at the airport I was distracted by two events.
Event 1: a group of about 5 guys had clearly indulged in some liquid courage before approaching the boarding area (read: arena of stupidity). They were loud, thought they were funny and smelled like sweat. Winners all the way around, you see.
Event 2: suspicious woman in pink track suit, fake nails, bleach blonde hair teased to the sky carrying unfashionable frock of a jacket arrives wondering where her plane is. She, like everyone else, was on her way to visit family for the holiday but was too dim-witted to realize that when standing in a group of people all holding tickets to the same city, chances are the plane at that gate will be going to your destination. In trying to be forgiving, I realized that maybe she's not a big traveler, but the GIANT SIGN WITH THE NAME OF THE DESTINATION ON IT should have been a clue! For her it was not. Stupid. Again, my friend, I ask you why natural selection hasn't yet done it's job.
Somehow I got lucky enough to sit by one of the aforementioned drunky drunks on the plane....well not next to, but in the same aisle. And then the pink lady (Cindy) arrived. over the next few hours I was lucky enough (and the fact that I didn't vomit and then throw it at them is quite remarkable) to experience her weaving her web of cougarness, cast it, and catch that poor little drunk boy without even knowing what hit him. By the end of the flight he was planning on changing his ticket, abandoning his baggage which had been checked through to Chicago and uprooting his sad little life for this crazy 50 year old woman. Oh and by the way, drunky drunk was 26....so that's nice.
The best part of the whole thing was probably when he chugged a few Jack Daniels minis, had to pee, was afraid to get up, almost peed himself, made out with Cindy, and then had to leap across her and me as soon as the wheels touched the ground to run off to the lavatory. High class courtship folks. Gentlemen, take notes.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Mid semester slump cleaning
It's common knowledge (at least between my friend Briana and I) that students (and teachers for that matter) experience the phenomenon of a mid-semester slump. Ladies and gentlemen, it's in full swing here at UNT and I dare say I've been convinced of that ever so popular saying: Everything's bigger in Texas. Yes, including the mid-semester slump......it's only supposed to last about two weeks but I'd argue it's been in full effect for the last five!
Anyway, I had decided that I would kick that slump in the butt a few times, make it cry, call for it's mommy, and then give it one more nudge just to show it who's boss. So, last night I graded three classes worth of exams (teacher friends, you'll appreciate the amount of time and self-loathing went into that) and even cleaned out my super secret teacher shoulder bag. I will not tell you what I found inside....you might not be my friend anymore.
This morning I got to school early (read at the same time as every other day), BUT I did not spend my usual forty minute "warm-up" checking facebook and all of my non school emails. I went right to work: Ticket streaming radio on, UNT email checked, grades entered into gradebook. I even double checked all of my grades for the whole semester. I know, I deserve teacher of the year award. Then I finished planning my three hour film class, tracked down the video (a little more of a challenge than weeks past), wrote a short quiz, copied that quiz, dropped off a packet to study abroad, talked with Laetitia and all before 11:30! It's a record.
The most amazing part is that I actually cleaned off my desk! Now, by cleaned off my desk I mean I went through the piles, put made some new ones, and transferred the stuff on one corner to the other.....BUT I now know everything that was on this desk and I will share that with you now.
2 pictures of Cefalù
6 white erase board markers only 1 of which works (and I can never remember which one)
1 unopened bottle of water that has been in the same place for three weeks
14 business cards from publishers and other "important" people
3 black pens
1 red pen
1 bottle of white out that I've been rocking since colelge
An address from a person I don't recognize
A dentist appointment reminder card
1 hair tie
1 glasses case
1 pair of glasses who never make their way back into that case
16 sticky notes in assorted colors
An email address that I don't recognize
A list of availability for my committee members that has about 1 inch of dust on it
1 color ink cartridge (aka the holy grail)
UNC readmission applicaton
Abstract for a conference I'll present at in April x 2
6 sponsor letters for my committee
3 oral interview sign up sheets
Wintergreen sugar free breath mints
My phone
Computer and printer
Clock
Flashdrive that has a bunch of files I don't recognize on it
Unopened microfilm of a 1937 dissertation on Giovanni Verga
Staples catalogue
Information for someone in the athletic department but I'm not sure why
And that's just on top! But it's all organized now.....and maybe three weeks from tomorrow I'll tackle the inside of my drawers, the bookshelf, and the "extras" box.
Anyway, I had decided that I would kick that slump in the butt a few times, make it cry, call for it's mommy, and then give it one more nudge just to show it who's boss. So, last night I graded three classes worth of exams (teacher friends, you'll appreciate the amount of time and self-loathing went into that) and even cleaned out my super secret teacher shoulder bag. I will not tell you what I found inside....you might not be my friend anymore.
This morning I got to school early (read at the same time as every other day), BUT I did not spend my usual forty minute "warm-up" checking facebook and all of my non school emails. I went right to work: Ticket streaming radio on, UNT email checked, grades entered into gradebook. I even double checked all of my grades for the whole semester. I know, I deserve teacher of the year award. Then I finished planning my three hour film class, tracked down the video (a little more of a challenge than weeks past), wrote a short quiz, copied that quiz, dropped off a packet to study abroad, talked with Laetitia and all before 11:30! It's a record.
The most amazing part is that I actually cleaned off my desk! Now, by cleaned off my desk I mean I went through the piles, put made some new ones, and transferred the stuff on one corner to the other.....BUT I now know everything that was on this desk and I will share that with you now.
2 pictures of Cefalù
6 white erase board markers only 1 of which works (and I can never remember which one)
1 unopened bottle of water that has been in the same place for three weeks
14 business cards from publishers and other "important" people
3 black pens
1 red pen
1 bottle of white out that I've been rocking since colelge
An address from a person I don't recognize
A dentist appointment reminder card
1 hair tie
1 glasses case
1 pair of glasses who never make their way back into that case
16 sticky notes in assorted colors
An email address that I don't recognize
A list of availability for my committee members that has about 1 inch of dust on it
1 color ink cartridge (aka the holy grail)
UNC readmission applicaton
Abstract for a conference I'll present at in April x 2
6 sponsor letters for my committee
3 oral interview sign up sheets
Wintergreen sugar free breath mints
My phone
Computer and printer
Clock
Flashdrive that has a bunch of files I don't recognize on it
Unopened microfilm of a 1937 dissertation on Giovanni Verga
Staples catalogue
Information for someone in the athletic department but I'm not sure why
And that's just on top! But it's all organized now.....and maybe three weeks from tomorrow I'll tackle the inside of my drawers, the bookshelf, and the "extras" box.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Weird and creepy or sweet and generous. You be the judge.
I've always known Italian students are different than other students.....and by different I mean way cooler and super awesome. However, there are moments when I wonder if maybe my lovely language attracts the crazies. Here are some moments I've collected over the last six and a half years of teaching and let me know if you think they're weird and creepy or sweet and generous.
1. One of my students asked me if I liked Snickers. I said no, I prefer Milky Ways because I don't like peanuts. So, the next day he came to the office hours, opened a snickers bar, ate the top off (where the peanuts are) and then gave me the rest. Weird and creepy or sweet and generous?
2. One time I was telling my students the story of how my kitty had to have her tail partially amputated. The next week after the surgery one of them brought me a stuffed kitty tale. Or maybe it was for Coco, I'm not sure. Weird and creepy or sweet and generous?
3. I had a student who consistently fell asleep in class because his "cagna" of a girlfriend kept him up all night fighting. So, he started bringing me apples from the dining hall. And then when he started coming late and falling asleep he would bring fake sunflowers. They're still in the drawer of my desk at UNC. Weird and creepy or sweet and generous?
4. One of my students was Hawaiian and apparently really liked my class so she made some Hawaiian holiday bread.....in the shapes of my initials.....and then left them outside my classroom so I would find them after the final. Weird and creepy or sweet and generous?
I guess that's only really 4 things.....but they stick out.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Top 10 movies everyone should see
I have stellar taste in movies. I do, it's why everyone always wants to watch them with me. So here are the top 10 I think you should all watch:
1. Dirty Dancing
2. Flashdance
3. The Emperor's New Groove
4. The Cutting Edge
5. The Bourne Series - I know that's three....but they count as one
6. Austin Powers - I only really like the second one
7. Secretary
8. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
10. It's a mad mad mad mad world
*These are in random order.....none is more important than the others*
1. Dirty Dancing
2. Flashdance
3. The Emperor's New Groove
4. The Cutting Edge
5. The Bourne Series - I know that's three....but they count as one
6. Austin Powers - I only really like the second one
7. Secretary
8. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels
10. It's a mad mad mad mad world
*These are in random order.....none is more important than the others*
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Come conquistare le donne americane
This morning I was talking to a friend in Italy and he wanted to know how American men "conquistano" women. Well.....perhaps problem number one would be in the translation of that word, but I think it's also worth noting that I'm not convinced there is any conquistamento going on. The more we talked about, the funnier it became. In fact, all I could think of were things you shouldn't do. Here is a sampling.
1. Don't tell me how hot you are. If I hadn't already noticed on my own, you're just not. You "helping me" to see your hotness is just annoying.
2. Telling me how many beers you drank last night is not impressive. It is directly proportionate to how stupid I think you are.
3. I am a very observant person. If I have to ask you more than once what you're looking at, you're out. Believe it or not, I will notice you not looking at my eyes.
4. Bringing me a creepy scalp massager as a gift will not win you points.
5. Feet gross me out, especially boy feet. Please don't touch me with yours.
1. Don't tell me how hot you are. If I hadn't already noticed on my own, you're just not. You "helping me" to see your hotness is just annoying.
2. Telling me how many beers you drank last night is not impressive. It is directly proportionate to how stupid I think you are.
3. I am a very observant person. If I have to ask you more than once what you're looking at, you're out. Believe it or not, I will notice you not looking at my eyes.
4. Bringing me a creepy scalp massager as a gift will not win you points.
5. Feet gross me out, especially boy feet. Please don't touch me with yours.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Top 5 exchanges of the week
Another week has gone by and I've added several questions to my arsenal of "student gems." Here are the top 5 for this week (and yes, it is a little odd that all of these would happen in the same week):
Student: Professoressa, have you ever lived in Italy?
Me: Yes.
Student: So did you like it?
Me: Yes.
Student: Did you speak Italian before you went?
Me: Yes, but you never really know a language until you live there. Having friends and boyfriends and girlfriends who don't speak English really forces you to learn to communicate.
Student: So when you came back, that's when you decided to learn Italian?
Me: ............................yes.
Student: What should I call you? Doctor? Professor?
Me: Well, I'm not a doctor yet.....that happens in May. Professor is fine.
Student: Great, so Doctor Greenfield, can you please sign my form for me.
Student: What are you doing this weekend?
Me: Working on my dissertation, grading papers, planning lessons, writing tests. The usual.
Student: Wow, sounds fun.
Me: The joys of teaching.
Student: Well.....have a good weekend. I guess you're not really doing anything......
Me: ..........................thanks.
Student: Professoressa, you always go to Sicily, right?
Me: Yes.
Student: Have you ever known anyone in the Mafia?
Me: Yes, but not the Italian Mafia. Most of my friends are Albanian.
Student: So what mafia was he in?
Me: ............................the Albanian mafia?
Student: Professoressa Greenfield, do you have a degree in Italian?
Me: Yes, several actually.
Student: Really? From where?
Me: Berkeley, Notre Dame, and UNC in May.
Student: Wow....so you've been studying Italian for a while?
Me: Yes.
Student: Did you study it in high school?
Me: No, I did German in high school, and started Italian when I got to college at UC Berkeley.
Student: So where did you learn Italian?
Me: .............................I'm a native speaker.
Student: Oh! That's why you talk so fast?!
Me: .............................yes.
Student: Professoressa, have you ever lived in Italy?
Me: Yes.
Student: So did you like it?
Me: Yes.
Student: Did you speak Italian before you went?
Me: Yes, but you never really know a language until you live there. Having friends and boyfriends and girlfriends who don't speak English really forces you to learn to communicate.
Student: So when you came back, that's when you decided to learn Italian?
Me: ............................yes.
Student: What should I call you? Doctor? Professor?
Me: Well, I'm not a doctor yet.....that happens in May. Professor is fine.
Student: Great, so Doctor Greenfield, can you please sign my form for me.
Student: What are you doing this weekend?
Me: Working on my dissertation, grading papers, planning lessons, writing tests. The usual.
Student: Wow, sounds fun.
Me: The joys of teaching.
Student: Well.....have a good weekend. I guess you're not really doing anything......
Me: ..........................thanks.
Student: Professoressa, you always go to Sicily, right?
Me: Yes.
Student: Have you ever known anyone in the Mafia?
Me: Yes, but not the Italian Mafia. Most of my friends are Albanian.
Student: So what mafia was he in?
Me: ............................the Albanian mafia?
Student: Professoressa Greenfield, do you have a degree in Italian?
Me: Yes, several actually.
Student: Really? From where?
Me: Berkeley, Notre Dame, and UNC in May.
Student: Wow....so you've been studying Italian for a while?
Me: Yes.
Student: Did you study it in high school?
Me: No, I did German in high school, and started Italian when I got to college at UC Berkeley.
Student: So where did you learn Italian?
Me: .............................I'm a native speaker.
Student: Oh! That's why you talk so fast?!
Me: .............................yes.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Which of these doesn't belong with the others?
Over the last year and a bit I have collected quite an array of strange items in my office, developed some opinions, and compiled an ever growing list of student gems (bad excuses, hilarious comments, etc). I have also started to travel with my entire life in the car, in my closet, and in my car at any given time. How well do you think you know me? Can you pick the thing that doesn't belong in each of these lists?
In my office:
an extra pair of black pumps
a dallas cowboys hologram cup
a shocking pink sweater
scissors
orange pen
2 pairs of shoes waiting to be taken to the cobbler for heel repairs
glitter lipstick
dental floss
In my car:
2 bags of "extra" clothes
fleece jacket
ice scraper
origami goose
chandelier earrings
lip gloss
27 different super ultra mega dance mixes made by DJ Jessica
5 reusable shopping bags
In my closet:
leggings
5 pairs of rain boots in various patterns
2 pairs of clear "stripper" shoes
shocking pink tennis shoes
3 red dresses
pageant trophies
20 foot extension cord
2 sequined sparkle dresses
In my office:
an extra pair of black pumps
a dallas cowboys hologram cup
a shocking pink sweater
scissors
orange pen
2 pairs of shoes waiting to be taken to the cobbler for heel repairs
glitter lipstick
dental floss
In my car:
2 bags of "extra" clothes
fleece jacket
ice scraper
origami goose
chandelier earrings
lip gloss
27 different super ultra mega dance mixes made by DJ Jessica
5 reusable shopping bags
In my closet:
leggings
5 pairs of rain boots in various patterns
2 pairs of clear "stripper" shoes
shocking pink tennis shoes
3 red dresses
pageant trophies
20 foot extension cord
2 sequined sparkle dresses
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
"Teacher" is a euphemism
I'm sure at some point every little kid wanted to be a teacher. But let me tell you something! Teacher is a euphemism. For what you ask? Let me name some of things I am a regular basis:
1. Bad excuse sifter-thougher
2. Expert negotiator
3. Pep talk giver and amazing motivator
4. Life coach and expert advice giver
5. Crisis manager
6. Learn to live on 5 hours sleep because the mountain of grading never gets smaller -er
7. Grammar explainer extraordinaire
8. Amazing time management and future planner...I already have the 2010-2011 and 2011-2012 academic years planned out.
9. Explainer of the same point in 100 different ways
10. Master attention holder
1. Bad excuse sifter-thougher
2. Expert negotiator
3. Pep talk giver and amazing motivator
4. Life coach and expert advice giver
5. Crisis manager
6. Learn to live on 5 hours sleep because the mountain of grading never gets smaller -er
7. Grammar explainer extraordinaire
8. Amazing time management and future planner...I already have the 2010-2011 and 2011-2012 academic years planned out.
9. Explainer of the same point in 100 different ways
10. Master attention holder
Monday, November 8, 2010
My neck got a little redder this weekend
This weekend I participated in one of the oldest and most respected redneck passtimes: NASCAR. I have to say, I was skeptical. I mean, when we got there I refused to even roll down my window to talk to anyone to figure out where to park. Aaron kept saying, "Ask that guy, should we ask her?" My response: "No! Don't open your window! We'll figure it out, don't talk to anyone." However, I finally gave in when I saw a line of cars lined up to a lovely lady with 2 missing teeth, drinking a beer, directing big giant pick up trucks into parking spots. When I finally got up the courage to roll down the window and talk to her, the few remaining teeth (which were a little blacker than a healthy smile usually is) informed me I could park anywhere on the grass......FOR FREE! What? Free tickets and free parking? Ok, 1 point for Texas Motor Speedway.
So, we parked.....well, after waiting for the dummies next door to close their car door and the crazy feathered hair, over hairsprayed crazy woman walked in front of me not once, but three times! All I'm saying is, if you're going to start drinking at 8am, learn to walk......football tailgaters have been doing it for years, I believe you can do it to. Anyway, so we park. While we walked through the throng of giant pick up trucks and DuPont jacket clad smokers, we approached the "free stuff" area. Most intriguing had to be the blacked out Skoal compound. Obviously you had to be "21 years of age and a current tobacco user" to enter (so obviously I didn't go in) but I have to say I wanted to know what those bouncers were hiding behind those black walls! We kept walking, and went inside....to be greeted by a margarita stand. That was fun, so we bought one (it was pretty disgusting, but whatever). I guess we didn't get the memo that we should have brought our own cooler filled with bud light and peanuts, but apparently not only can you park for free, you can bring alcohol INTO the....stadium? arena? stands? whatever the sitting part is called. And, the people are super nice and even offer you cookies and Mike's Hard Lemonade from their personal supply! Football fans don't do that.
So, we find out seats (next to a man with a VERY expensive digital camera a super telescope lens and in front of some crazy woman with an accent so think I was pretty sure she's been flown in from rural Kentucky by one of the many helicopters that were bringing fans from who knows where). And then.....we realized that Willie Nelson was singing! I don't know where he was.....clearly nowhere near us, but it's still a pretty big deal. I mean the man is 137 and a Texas legend, right? So that was exciting. But then, the ridiculousness started: they introduced every single driver and then put them in a Chevy truck and drove them around the entire racetrack! That took forever, and then they finally got all the cars started up and the ground started rumbling (I'm in love with that by the way) and then they did a million pace laps. I don't really get that part or how all the crazies knew when the pace car was going to pull off......but all of a sudden everyone started standing up and then.....it started.
I don't really know exactly what happens or why things happen when they do.....and I find it annoying that they have to slow down and follow the pace car every once and a while. Like at some point some guy blew his motor or something so everyone had to slow down to they could make sure there was no oil on the track. And then two other cars got kicked out too....although I couldn't tell you why. Then some guy spun himself out on the grass and they had to make everyone stop so they could sweep the grass away. And then some guy shredded his tire and they had to clean that. Somehow, people seem to know when the pace car is going to pull off and everyone starts standing up and yelling, which is all very exciting. I haven't figured that part out yet. Nor have I figured out why some guys get to catch up when the pace car comes out or what a free lap is.....but they fans hate that. I also don't understand if the time stops when they are on clean up duty or if those laps count or what.
I really want to go back and get the little headphones that all the "serious" fans wear so you can listen to the drivers talk to their pit bosses.....I think that probably changes a lot, but it's still SUPER fun! Perhaps the funniest part was the text I got from Fred after I told him I was having fun stating:
Just remember if you wind up liking this sport you could find yourself singing C & W music, wearing hot pants, and out looking buy a trailer! I'll love you no matter what....even if your neck gets a little red.
So, we parked.....well, after waiting for the dummies next door to close their car door and the crazy feathered hair, over hairsprayed crazy woman walked in front of me not once, but three times! All I'm saying is, if you're going to start drinking at 8am, learn to walk......football tailgaters have been doing it for years, I believe you can do it to. Anyway, so we park. While we walked through the throng of giant pick up trucks and DuPont jacket clad smokers, we approached the "free stuff" area. Most intriguing had to be the blacked out Skoal compound. Obviously you had to be "21 years of age and a current tobacco user" to enter (so obviously I didn't go in) but I have to say I wanted to know what those bouncers were hiding behind those black walls! We kept walking, and went inside....to be greeted by a margarita stand. That was fun, so we bought one (it was pretty disgusting, but whatever). I guess we didn't get the memo that we should have brought our own cooler filled with bud light and peanuts, but apparently not only can you park for free, you can bring alcohol INTO the....stadium? arena? stands? whatever the sitting part is called. And, the people are super nice and even offer you cookies and Mike's Hard Lemonade from their personal supply! Football fans don't do that.
So, we find out seats (next to a man with a VERY expensive digital camera a super telescope lens and in front of some crazy woman with an accent so think I was pretty sure she's been flown in from rural Kentucky by one of the many helicopters that were bringing fans from who knows where). And then.....we realized that Willie Nelson was singing! I don't know where he was.....clearly nowhere near us, but it's still a pretty big deal. I mean the man is 137 and a Texas legend, right? So that was exciting. But then, the ridiculousness started: they introduced every single driver and then put them in a Chevy truck and drove them around the entire racetrack! That took forever, and then they finally got all the cars started up and the ground started rumbling (I'm in love with that by the way) and then they did a million pace laps. I don't really get that part or how all the crazies knew when the pace car was going to pull off......but all of a sudden everyone started standing up and then.....it started.
I don't really know exactly what happens or why things happen when they do.....and I find it annoying that they have to slow down and follow the pace car every once and a while. Like at some point some guy blew his motor or something so everyone had to slow down to they could make sure there was no oil on the track. And then two other cars got kicked out too....although I couldn't tell you why. Then some guy spun himself out on the grass and they had to make everyone stop so they could sweep the grass away. And then some guy shredded his tire and they had to clean that. Somehow, people seem to know when the pace car is going to pull off and everyone starts standing up and yelling, which is all very exciting. I haven't figured that part out yet. Nor have I figured out why some guys get to catch up when the pace car comes out or what a free lap is.....but they fans hate that. I also don't understand if the time stops when they are on clean up duty or if those laps count or what.
I really want to go back and get the little headphones that all the "serious" fans wear so you can listen to the drivers talk to their pit bosses.....I think that probably changes a lot, but it's still SUPER fun! Perhaps the funniest part was the text I got from Fred after I told him I was having fun stating:
Just remember if you wind up liking this sport you could find yourself singing C & W music, wearing hot pants, and out looking buy a trailer! I'll love you no matter what....even if your neck gets a little red.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Hello. How 'bout that ride in...
I just rewatched the Hangover and I just about died laughing. I mean, my cheeks hurt and I have a cramp in my side. I don't know how anyone can find that movie un-funny. And, to top it all off, it just gets funnier and funnier! I know the sequel won't be funny....how can you top greatness? Here are some of my favorite scenes.
1. Hello. How 'bout that ride in. I guess that's why they call it sin city. Hahah.
How can you not love the wolfpack speech?! Anything ending in a crazy bearded man whipping out a knife and trying to be blood brothers with three other men is just plain genius.
2. Here, Stu, have some juice. *Insert dry heave here*
I don't know why but I find vomit sounds hilarious. I realize that's weird, but I can't help it. So please don't even get sick in front of me.....I will not be able to empathize, I'll fall over laughing.
3. Shhhhh, here comes my favorite part right here.
Who doesn't love Mike Tyson singing Phil Collins?! Ah, gotta love that lisp. And the tiger in the bathroom.
4. Oh my god! I got mauled!
I don't know why but I laugh so hard when the tiger wakes up in the car I literally couldn't breathe. I just about fell off the couch. Compound the fact that Aaron doesn't think it's funny at all and it makes me laugh harder. Love it.
I think Zach Galifianakis is greatness and I can't wait for the next movie to come out with Robert Downy Jr. and a dog wearing a cone of shame. I'm pretty sure I'll have sore cheeks for weeks.
1. Hello. How 'bout that ride in. I guess that's why they call it sin city. Hahah.
How can you not love the wolfpack speech?! Anything ending in a crazy bearded man whipping out a knife and trying to be blood brothers with three other men is just plain genius.
2. Here, Stu, have some juice. *Insert dry heave here*
I don't know why but I find vomit sounds hilarious. I realize that's weird, but I can't help it. So please don't even get sick in front of me.....I will not be able to empathize, I'll fall over laughing.
3. Shhhhh, here comes my favorite part right here.
Who doesn't love Mike Tyson singing Phil Collins?! Ah, gotta love that lisp. And the tiger in the bathroom.
4. Oh my god! I got mauled!
I don't know why but I laugh so hard when the tiger wakes up in the car I literally couldn't breathe. I just about fell off the couch. Compound the fact that Aaron doesn't think it's funny at all and it makes me laugh harder. Love it.
I think Zach Galifianakis is greatness and I can't wait for the next movie to come out with Robert Downy Jr. and a dog wearing a cone of shame. I'm pretty sure I'll have sore cheeks for weeks.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
What do you think a syllabus is for?
A syllabus (pl. syllabi or syllabuses; from Latin syllabus "list" probably of Greek origin), is an outline and summary of topics to be covered in an education or training course. It is descriptive (unlike the prescriptive or specific curriculum). A syllabus is often either set out by an exam board, or prepared by the professor who supervises or controls the course quality.
Seeing as this work has greek origins, let's go ahead and accept that this word has been around for a long time. I think we can also accept that professors have been distributing syllabi on the first day of class for many many years. This is not a new practice. So, now that we've moved into the virtual age, the fact that we look at the syllabus on a large computer screen should not be any more confusing that seeing that syllabus in paper form (which students are encouraged to print from home). So why don't you understand that you should read the syllabus and always refer to it when you have questions?
Why do you not understand the following things:
1. The syllabus says if you arrive more than 5 minutes late, you're absent for the day. Why do you come in 15 minutes late everyday and then argue with me that you haven't missed any classes. Do you think what I talk about in the first 15 minutes is expendable information? Its' not.....it's arguably the most important information and you're missing it.
2. The syllabus says that you cannot make up a test or quiz. Why do you repeatedly ask me if you can make up the quiz you missed because you slept in yesterday?
3. The syllabus tells you what grammar points and what pages in the book we'll cover each day. Why do you insist of bugging me with the question "I was absent yesterday, did we do anything important? What did we cover?"
Do you think I like making a syllabus. It's not very fun, but it has all the information you'll need for the whole semester. I also discuss that information on the first day of class......if you had bothered to show up and open your ears you would have heard that discussion. So why, oh why, don't you refer to that when you should?! It's worked since before you can even fathom. Why do you think you're above it?!
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