Confessions from a conspiracy theorist

So 24 hours from now I'll be traveling in a giant metal tube across the giant ocean over to Italy.  Luckily my first flight is the long one, 9 hours over to Amsterdam, but I just think it's ridiculous that in 2011 we still have to fly for 12 hours to get to Italy.  Hello!  Does anyone else think that maybe the government is hiding technology from us?  Is it really possible that they cannot yet beam us (luggage and all - and just think how much MORE  you could bring if you didn't have to lug it around yourself!) wherever we want to go?  No. Clearly, the airline bigwigs and the scientists are in cahoots.  I'm not sure why yet, but I'm still working on it.

Anyway, I hate the travel to Europe because you get screwed up on your nighttime.  You leave the US in the early afternoon and fly east, so before you know it, it's nighttime.  And then two hours later the sun is coming up.  Well, I get so excited that I usually end up seeing how many movies I can watch in Italian on my way over.  That probably won't happen this time since I'm on KLM, but you never know, the Dutch are pretty high tech, maybe they have a bunch of languages on their flights.

I'm hoping I don't die on my way to Italy, but there will certainly be some sort of near death experience - there always is.  Once is was a nasty case of food poisoning (thanks Chicago O'Hare for serving bad chicken), another time we had to abort a landing and then almost slid off the end of the runway when we did land in Paris during a really bad snow storm.  I'm sure this death defying journey will be no less traumatic.  And who wants to bet I'll either a)have a middle seat or b)get a window seat but next to one of those people who doesn't respect personal space.  There it is, right there.  I bet the reason they haven't released the beam-me-up-Scotty technology yet is because the government is playing big brother and gets a kick out of watching people squirm in airplanes for hours on end.  Maybe they even try to match the naked scanner photos from security to the unhappy squished people in the planes.  I'm pretty sure that's it.

Anyway, Italy here I come.  Prepare yourself, Sicily, it's going to be a good summer.