Well, it's the start of my favorite (read most hated) time of the year. This week I went to Pittsburgh to visit close friends which was super fun . . . . except for the airplane part. I had three legs to get there and back, each with its own little airplane etiquette lesson.
1. When traveling, buy two seats if your body size warrants it. I appreciate that air travel is expensive (I buy enough airline tickets each year to understand, believe me) but if your body mass requires two seats, please buy two seats. Of course at Thanksgiving the airplane loads are always crazy busy, but having to sit next to someone who invades my space and that of the person on his other side is not the greatest way to start off the trip. I was feeling awkward for this man, I'm sure he was feeling awkward as well . . . . and it was HOT. It was hot to begin with and unfortunately he didn't have enough wiggle room to remove his coat or sweater. I did, but he was sending off million degree sun spurs in all directions. And right before we left the plane he said, "Are you going to visit family?" "No, friends" I respond. "Oh nice. Tell 'em I said hello." " . . . oh . . . ok."
2. When traveling alone and you are nervous, repeat your mantra silently as 90 minutes of it can get old for those around you. On the flight from Charlotte into Pittsburgh I was sitting next to a girl who was clearly afraid of flying. She sat down, pulled out a doll, and then started repeating some mantra. I don't actually know what she was saying, but she repeated it just loud enough for me to hear she was making noise but not loud enough for me to understand her ALL THE WAY TO PITTSBURGH. She was so focused that when the flight attendant came and asked her if she wanted anything to drink she couldn't even look at her. Instead she just stared straight ahead, eyes bulging, murmuring her little mantra.
3. When traveling with a girl you're trying to impress, not everyone needs to hear how great you are. Especially when the flight is 3 and a half hours and you have no inside voice. Thank you for your service, but lecturing your date on how you allow her live freely is probably not making her want to go on vacation with you again. I was happy to have a direct flight back to Dallas, but sad when I realized the idiot on the aisle seat needed to inform not only the girl he took skiing in Vermont but also me (who was trying desperately not to listen but to no avail) about how wonderful he is. I'm sure you'll all agree that a veteran, super smart (just naturally smart, like he doesn't need to really work hard in school), tall (even taller than the rest of his family), good looking (he's just blessed to have good looking stubble), and engaging (he can talk to anyone - yes but the question is are they trying to figure out how to gouge their own eyes out?!) guy is a winner. You'd never want to let that go . . . . but when we got off the plane I was this close to taking that poor girl's hand and just running with her to she could get away from his gravitational pull.
Ugh, dear government. Please release the beam-me-up technology. I hate flying. On a positive note, Captain Williams made the smoothest landing I've ever experienced. I only thought we were plummeting to our death once and that's about twenty-seven times less than normal.
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