Things that will make me hate you instantly

I'm sure you're aware that I'm the most open and welcoming person of all time.  Just ask my friend Andrea, I welcomed her with open arms the first day I met her (now we'll see if she reads my blog or not....she'll definitely have something to say about this if she does)!  But there are several things that will make me hate you instantly.  Here is a small sampling.

1.  If you talk to me like I am 5, I will hate you instantly.

2.  If you speak slowly because you think it will make me believe you more, I will hate you instantly.  I'm not stupid and speaking convincingly does not equal slowly.  In addition, I will most likely cut off all verbal communication with you and only speak with you via email.  Please don't simulate your slowness with ellipses.  More than three of those in one email is too much.

3.  If I ask you a question and you respond with a fluff answer on more than one occasion, I will hate you instantly.  Do you realize that it's much easier to deal with situations when one KNOWS WHAT THE SITUATION IS?!  I'm happy to deal with what you throw at me, but you have to be clear with what I need to navigate.

4.  If you tell me how I should feel (this includes the command, "Smile, it will make you feel better!"), I will hate you instantly.  If I'm not feeling happy, I will not smile.  You telling me to smile just makes me unhappy and now ticked off that I have to be around you.  Feelings need to be felt, please don't invalidate my emotions by telling me which one you think I should feel.

I don't know why everyone doesn't want to be my friend.  I'm a ball of sunshine!