Surprise I'm still alive (but barely as our building tried to sweat us out today) and have survived the first day of school. It went well, but of course those first day of school events happened all over the place. In case you're not a teacher, you know it's the first day of school when:
- you sit down to at least three frantic emails from students who were "dropped without consent" from your class and can you please save their seat
- no one has their book
- you have a steady stream of students asking if they can just skip the grammar course even though they took the placement test and tested into it
- you teach an important language, but the powers that be don't agree and you're in danger of losing yet another section
- you get an email five minutes before class from a student who is "super serious about this class but I'm still at home visiting my family so I won't be there today. But don't let that lead you to believe I'm not totally dedicated to learning Italian." Really? What does dedicated mean to you?
- a student with an unpronounceable name asks you what the Italian translation is. Don't get me started on my rant about translation of proper nouns!
- you lose your incredibly detailed lesson plan only to find it after class right where you thought it was
- you realize on your walk to the classroom that you have no idea what classroom you're actually supposed to be teaching in
- you have the depressing realization that this is the one and only day for the next fifteen weeks you won't be grading, grading, grading, grading, grading all night long
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
In anticipation of the first day of school
Tomorrow is the first day of school and already today I tried to fail a student because of his attitude. I don't even think he's taking Italian, but when I tell you no once, don't argue. If I want a discussion I will invite it. And please don't pull the, "Ok, I'm just paying you all this money and you won't let me...." because guess what? You're not paying me. And if you're so entitled that you can't listen, you do not want me as your teacher. Here are some other tips for not setting yourself up to fail.
1. Please get dressed. I do not appreciate pajamas or sweaty gym clothes in class. It's gross and you look lazy.
2. Don't give up on the first day. If you do, you'll never make it and you might as well just get up and leave, go straight to the computer and drop my class.
3. Read the syllabus. 98% of the questions you'll ask can be answered there. And I'll go over it with you so please don't be an idiot.
4. Figure out what you should call me on the first day. Then you're not in week 14 trying to figure out if you should refer to me as Professor, Ms., etc.
5. Get the book. I notice who shows up unprepared on day one and you don't want to start in the hole.
1. Please get dressed. I do not appreciate pajamas or sweaty gym clothes in class. It's gross and you look lazy.
2. Don't give up on the first day. If you do, you'll never make it and you might as well just get up and leave, go straight to the computer and drop my class.
3. Read the syllabus. 98% of the questions you'll ask can be answered there. And I'll go over it with you so please don't be an idiot.
4. Figure out what you should call me on the first day. Then you're not in week 14 trying to figure out if you should refer to me as Professor, Ms., etc.
5. Get the book. I notice who shows up unprepared on day one and you don't want to start in the hole.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Things that will make me hate you instantly
I'm sure you're aware that I'm the most open and welcoming person of all time. Just ask my friend Andrea, I welcomed her with open arms the first day I met her (now we'll see if she reads my blog or not....she'll definitely have something to say about this if she does)! But there are several things that will make me hate you instantly. Here is a small sampling.
1. If you talk to me like I am 5, I will hate you instantly.
2. If you speak slowly because you think it will make me believe you more, I will hate you instantly. I'm not stupid and speaking convincingly does not equal slowly. In addition, I will most likely cut off all verbal communication with you and only speak with you via email. Please don't simulate your slowness with ellipses. More than three of those in one email is too much.
3. If I ask you a question and you respond with a fluff answer on more than one occasion, I will hate you instantly. Do you realize that it's much easier to deal with situations when one KNOWS WHAT THE SITUATION IS?! I'm happy to deal with what you throw at me, but you have to be clear with what I need to navigate.
4. If you tell me how I should feel (this includes the command, "Smile, it will make you feel better!"), I will hate you instantly. If I'm not feeling happy, I will not smile. You telling me to smile just makes me unhappy and now ticked off that I have to be around you. Feelings need to be felt, please don't invalidate my emotions by telling me which one you think I should feel.
I don't know why everyone doesn't want to be my friend. I'm a ball of sunshine!
1. If you talk to me like I am 5, I will hate you instantly.
2. If you speak slowly because you think it will make me believe you more, I will hate you instantly. I'm not stupid and speaking convincingly does not equal slowly. In addition, I will most likely cut off all verbal communication with you and only speak with you via email. Please don't simulate your slowness with ellipses. More than three of those in one email is too much.
3. If I ask you a question and you respond with a fluff answer on more than one occasion, I will hate you instantly. Do you realize that it's much easier to deal with situations when one KNOWS WHAT THE SITUATION IS?! I'm happy to deal with what you throw at me, but you have to be clear with what I need to navigate.
4. If you tell me how I should feel (this includes the command, "Smile, it will make you feel better!"), I will hate you instantly. If I'm not feeling happy, I will not smile. You telling me to smile just makes me unhappy and now ticked off that I have to be around you. Feelings need to be felt, please don't invalidate my emotions by telling me which one you think I should feel.
I don't know why everyone doesn't want to be my friend. I'm a ball of sunshine!
Saturday, August 20, 2011
A note on DMV etiquette
As you may have read, unfriendly mustache cop gave me a ticket the other day (annoying) and then wrote half old / half new address on the ticket. And when I say old, I mean two addresses ago. I'm not really a rebel, but one thing I do not do is update my driver's license every time I move. This is for several reasons: 1) I move every year, 2) I have a CDL and therefore can't do it online, and 3) It costs money and I'm not into spending money on things that don't matter. But, when you get a ticket, turns out you can get an extra fine if you settle the ticket with an incorrect license. So I ventured to the DMV to get it updated.
When I got there in the morning, the line was 4 hours long, apparently it's the last day to get a permit before school starts for high schoolers and they, like me, all planned ahead and waited till the last possible moment.
I went away and came back in the afternoon and the wait was down to two hours, but since I only had to change my address I figured I'd get one of those comes-up-super-quick numbers. Well, sort of. Turns out if you have a CDL you have to take a new picture and update ALL of your information except for the vision test. Well, fine. So I sat down along with 80 of my closest friends and waited. Here are some of the highlights of my 60 minute wait:
- Jesus freak husband and wife preaching to the people sitting next to them and asking everyone with an iPhone to help them look up bible stories so they could complete their Christian crossword. Turns out the wife had had cancer and somehow that prevented them from taking each others' names when they married (28 years earlier) but now their daughter works for American Airlines and they want to take advantage of the free flying so they needed to update their records.
- Angry desk man who had to check everyone in. The maximum occupancy in the building was 49 and apparently you can't block the door, but when there are 60 people inside and another 30 in line, yelling at them to please close the door, keep the walkway clear, and have your license out when you get to his desk was a little bit ridiculous.
- Annoyed 80s perm lady who stepped out from behind the desk to tell us we were all being too loud. If they call your number three times and you miss it, you have to start over and they can't hear peoples' weight and height because the talking is just too loud. Uh, maybe it's because there are 568 people crammed into a 30x30 room?! And do you really think that babies can be silenced because every woman in Texas quietly conveys a fake weight to you?
- Black family(?) behind me. I'm not actually sure how they were related, if at all, but there was a mom aged woman , a teenager who three times wrote the wrong home address, and a young girl who couldn't believe the driver license office didn't serve free juice. The teenager had maybe just moved to Texas? I'm not sure but she had a special 900-level number but only one counter was taking care of that number and she was furious that it was the slowest worker. Plus she had to refill out her form three times because she didn't know her address and you can't use white out on an official form. The littler girl was cute but carrying someone else's purse and kept hitting people and she weaved up and down the crowded aisles.
- Inappropriately dressed 16 year olds. Who told you to wear booty shorts, crocs with socks, and see through shirts to your diver test?! Where is your mother? Ah, there she is, she must be the one in the ultra revealing maxi dress and 6 inch heels, yes now I understand.
So, good times all around but now I have an eleven dollar replacement for my CDL that will probably be incorrect in another 10 months.
When I got there in the morning, the line was 4 hours long, apparently it's the last day to get a permit before school starts for high schoolers and they, like me, all planned ahead and waited till the last possible moment.
I went away and came back in the afternoon and the wait was down to two hours, but since I only had to change my address I figured I'd get one of those comes-up-super-quick numbers. Well, sort of. Turns out if you have a CDL you have to take a new picture and update ALL of your information except for the vision test. Well, fine. So I sat down along with 80 of my closest friends and waited. Here are some of the highlights of my 60 minute wait:
- Jesus freak husband and wife preaching to the people sitting next to them and asking everyone with an iPhone to help them look up bible stories so they could complete their Christian crossword. Turns out the wife had had cancer and somehow that prevented them from taking each others' names when they married (28 years earlier) but now their daughter works for American Airlines and they want to take advantage of the free flying so they needed to update their records.
- Angry desk man who had to check everyone in. The maximum occupancy in the building was 49 and apparently you can't block the door, but when there are 60 people inside and another 30 in line, yelling at them to please close the door, keep the walkway clear, and have your license out when you get to his desk was a little bit ridiculous.
- Annoyed 80s perm lady who stepped out from behind the desk to tell us we were all being too loud. If they call your number three times and you miss it, you have to start over and they can't hear peoples' weight and height because the talking is just too loud. Uh, maybe it's because there are 568 people crammed into a 30x30 room?! And do you really think that babies can be silenced because every woman in Texas quietly conveys a fake weight to you?
- Black family(?) behind me. I'm not actually sure how they were related, if at all, but there was a mom aged woman , a teenager who three times wrote the wrong home address, and a young girl who couldn't believe the driver license office didn't serve free juice. The teenager had maybe just moved to Texas? I'm not sure but she had a special 900-level number but only one counter was taking care of that number and she was furious that it was the slowest worker. Plus she had to refill out her form three times because she didn't know her address and you can't use white out on an official form. The littler girl was cute but carrying someone else's purse and kept hitting people and she weaved up and down the crowded aisles.
- Inappropriately dressed 16 year olds. Who told you to wear booty shorts, crocs with socks, and see through shirts to your diver test?! Where is your mother? Ah, there she is, she must be the one in the ultra revealing maxi dress and 6 inch heels, yes now I understand.
So, good times all around but now I have an eleven dollar replacement for my CDL that will probably be incorrect in another 10 months.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Crappy McCrapperson
So this week has sucked. Harley the mature kitty is settling into his new home (and shedding like a crazy man since this Northwest kitty is living through Texas' 3rd longest heat wave in history) but my week cannot be over quick enough. Let's recap, shall we?
1. As I leaned over to put lotion on my legs, something in my back snapped and I uttered a string of curses that could rival any sailor/potty-mouth/prisoner/gangsta as I crumpled to the floor, not to stand upright again for three days. I don't know what happened but I feel strongly that my 29 year old back should take much better care of me than it has done this week.
2. I went to see the Change-Up because I believe that Jason Bateman is the most under appreciated brilliant actor of our generation. The good news is that he remains a brilliant actor, but the movie sucked. Way to go writers. You had several hilarious actors and you made them recite the stupidest lines that ever been written. My mom says even the actors said that movie was bad and if my mom says it, it's true.
3. I got my first speeding ticket yesterday from a cop with a scary mustache. Granted, yes I was going over the speed limit, but is it really fair to ask someone to slow from 45 to 30 mph going downhill in about 15 feet? My opinion is no. Mustache cop disagreed. He was also not willing to negotiate.
4. I am, yet again, up to my eyeballs in budget writing and currency conversion hell. Here's my question, if I've written the same proposal three years in a row, why can't you recycle it? Just because your office has a 100% turn over rate does not mean I should be punished.
5. I am in the midst of an ongoing bad hair month. Thank you Texas for mixing hot hot wind, 100 degree temperature and 90% humidity for five months a year. Those of us with curly hair suffer and there's nothing we can do about it.
I hope that next week is better because with another two or three months of bad hair ahead of me, I need a reprieve on the other items.
1. As I leaned over to put lotion on my legs, something in my back snapped and I uttered a string of curses that could rival any sailor/potty-mouth/prisoner/gangsta as I crumpled to the floor, not to stand upright again for three days. I don't know what happened but I feel strongly that my 29 year old back should take much better care of me than it has done this week.
2. I went to see the Change-Up because I believe that Jason Bateman is the most under appreciated brilliant actor of our generation. The good news is that he remains a brilliant actor, but the movie sucked. Way to go writers. You had several hilarious actors and you made them recite the stupidest lines that ever been written. My mom says even the actors said that movie was bad and if my mom says it, it's true.
3. I got my first speeding ticket yesterday from a cop with a scary mustache. Granted, yes I was going over the speed limit, but is it really fair to ask someone to slow from 45 to 30 mph going downhill in about 15 feet? My opinion is no. Mustache cop disagreed. He was also not willing to negotiate.
4. I am, yet again, up to my eyeballs in budget writing and currency conversion hell. Here's my question, if I've written the same proposal three years in a row, why can't you recycle it? Just because your office has a 100% turn over rate does not mean I should be punished.
5. I am in the midst of an ongoing bad hair month. Thank you Texas for mixing hot hot wind, 100 degree temperature and 90% humidity for five months a year. Those of us with curly hair suffer and there's nothing we can do about it.
I hope that next week is better because with another two or three months of bad hair ahead of me, I need a reprieve on the other items.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Kitty on a plane
Today was exhausting. Harley (my new mature kitty from the Humane Society of Tacoma) and I made the trek from Seattle to Dallas and it was a workout. Let's take it step by step, shall we?
1. After much deliberation, my mother and I go down and get Harley who we take home and confine him to my bedroom so that he is quarantined from the other 2 cats living in the house.
2. After feeling bad for my mature kitty I let him out and he promptly starts making friends with my mom's cat Vino and having a five day stand off with Berkeley. He also decided that under my mother's bed (which has an un-liftable mattress) was the place he wanted to hang out.
3. On day three I take Harley to the vet to get his certificate of health and prepare for our cross country trip. Although he'd already had his rabies booster, we didn't have the brand name so he was given a one year booster and I promptly started worrying that too much rabies was introduced into his little kitty system and he would be frothing at the mouth by the time we got him home. Simultaneously the hippie granola tree hugger vet lady says, "New research suggests against sedation for traveling animals." Uh . . . what?! How am I supposed to get this mature baby home?!
4. On my birthday my mom and I go to the hippie hut and pick up some "Happy Traveler" pills which are natural pills that help calm animals. They told us we should try it out and make sure it didn't hurt his tummy so nurse mamma shoved the horse pill down Harley's throat and he starts lazily wandering around the house.
5. On travel day, Harley is loaded into his cage, given a "Happy Traveler" pill and put in the car. Where he proceeded to cry all the way to the airport. Then my dear sweet mother helped me get him through security (do you know you have to remove the animal from his cage to go through security?! How how how can this be a good idea?!) and then helped Harley swallow another pill before leaving me to fend for myself. The cat did not like sitting in the airport although he was ok walking. When we finally got settled in the plane there was another kitty in our same row and a violently airsick girl in the seat behind me. Harley did great (although every half hour if he didn't move I though he was dead and had to wake him up) until the last 45 minutes of the flight, at which point he got pissed and wanted out of his cage. When we finally landed we made it back home in the 108 degree heat and cooled the apartment. He's now panting, giving me the evil eye, begging for lovin', and hissing at me all at the same time. Good times.
I don't know how people do this on a regular basis and if I ever move to Italy this is going to take some MAJOR planning.
1. After much deliberation, my mother and I go down and get Harley who we take home and confine him to my bedroom so that he is quarantined from the other 2 cats living in the house.
2. After feeling bad for my mature kitty I let him out and he promptly starts making friends with my mom's cat Vino and having a five day stand off with Berkeley. He also decided that under my mother's bed (which has an un-liftable mattress) was the place he wanted to hang out.
3. On day three I take Harley to the vet to get his certificate of health and prepare for our cross country trip. Although he'd already had his rabies booster, we didn't have the brand name so he was given a one year booster and I promptly started worrying that too much rabies was introduced into his little kitty system and he would be frothing at the mouth by the time we got him home. Simultaneously the hippie granola tree hugger vet lady says, "New research suggests against sedation for traveling animals." Uh . . . what?! How am I supposed to get this mature baby home?!
4. On my birthday my mom and I go to the hippie hut and pick up some "Happy Traveler" pills which are natural pills that help calm animals. They told us we should try it out and make sure it didn't hurt his tummy so nurse mamma shoved the horse pill down Harley's throat and he starts lazily wandering around the house.
5. On travel day, Harley is loaded into his cage, given a "Happy Traveler" pill and put in the car. Where he proceeded to cry all the way to the airport. Then my dear sweet mother helped me get him through security (do you know you have to remove the animal from his cage to go through security?! How how how can this be a good idea?!) and then helped Harley swallow another pill before leaving me to fend for myself. The cat did not like sitting in the airport although he was ok walking. When we finally got settled in the plane there was another kitty in our same row and a violently airsick girl in the seat behind me. Harley did great (although every half hour if he didn't move I though he was dead and had to wake him up) until the last 45 minutes of the flight, at which point he got pissed and wanted out of his cage. When we finally landed we made it back home in the 108 degree heat and cooled the apartment. He's now panting, giving me the evil eye, begging for lovin', and hissing at me all at the same time. Good times.
I don't know how people do this on a regular basis and if I ever move to Italy this is going to take some MAJOR planning.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)