No.....it's not extreme or a dramatic statement. It's the truth and here's why.
1. Everyone else is excited except the person who has to do it......but there's not epidural for a dissertation defense!
2. When you get into trouble, there's always the risk of death, but none of the world's foremost obstetricians are on hand to save the poor PhD student.
3. While scheduling the defense is a lot like scheduling induction, there's no "oops, you failed, come back in two days and try again." If I fail, my life is over and I will have to slit my own throat in a display of humiliation on the quad in front of Dey Hall. And then the Pit Preacher will probably come stand over me and yell at everyone, thumping his bible, and explaining how my sins will never be absolved and obviously I was struck down as an example of the world's gravest sins. I'm not kidding, that's seriously how that would play out.
4. When it's over I don't get to take an adorable baby home and play with it and get lots of cute presents and visitors and people bringing food and hand me down clothes. I get three letters, a ton of revisions, and probably a to do list of about ten things I need to finish by May 15.
5. I think there's Post Defense Depression.....but no one really knows what to do about it.
Now, I've never actually had a baby, so perhaps I've missed a few things on the whole childbirth thing, but I don't think so. I'm pretty sure that's how it goes and that my Tuesday defense will be worse that childbirth. So, please forward all of your positive energy to me in Chapel Hill on Tuesday May 3 at 1pm. Lord knows I'll need it!
Friday, April 29, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Top 5 most underrated films of my generation
1. Mannequin - My favorite scene is the one where they're trying on all the different outfits. My favorites are the piano playing tux and the eighties hair band getup in the stock elevator.
2. Flashdance - Can we really fault Jennifer Beal for not doing any of her own dancing? I think not. I watched this movie so much as a kid that my father mysteriously disposed of the tape so I'd have to find a new movie to obsess about.
3. The Emperor's New Groove - David Spade, John Goodman, Wendy Malick. Need I say more?
4. The Cutting Edge - It's awesome. That's all.
5. Daddy Day Care - If you don't like it I think it means you're unamerican.
2. Flashdance - Can we really fault Jennifer Beal for not doing any of her own dancing? I think not. I watched this movie so much as a kid that my father mysteriously disposed of the tape so I'd have to find a new movie to obsess about.
3. The Emperor's New Groove - David Spade, John Goodman, Wendy Malick. Need I say more?
4. The Cutting Edge - It's awesome. That's all.
5. Daddy Day Care - If you don't like it I think it means you're unamerican.
Some days are super off days in teaching.
And today was one of them. In my morning classes I was administering a writing workshop and had two separate incidents, both ridiculous.
Incident one included several students walking in up to fifteen minutes late and then being peeved when I cut them off at the same time as the rest of the class. One student argued parking. Not my problem. There are about half as many parking spots as there are people that need them and I always manage to get to class on time to please do me the same courtesy. The other incident included a student who flat out lied to my face. I'm not sure if he thinks I'm stupid or that he's more convincing than he actually is. In any case, don't lie to me. I almost always know when you are and just because I don't always call you on it doesn't mean I don't see it. Sometimes I just don't have the energy to point it out to you.
Then in my afternoon class, there was just a whole lot of obviousness that people were not prepared for class. I actually stopped the class for about twenty minutes, made them leave my room and read. I know it's the end of the semester and people have a lot going on, but come on.....is it possible that everyone read some things but magically everyone didn't read the same thing? Don't think I'm so out of touch with reality to think that everyone reads everything I assign before coming to class. I know that never happens, but it's never happened that every single person neglected to prepare. With only one week to go, there's a lot of ground to make up next week.
I am going to blame it all on the weather. Yesterday was 92 with a hail storm in the afternoon and today is cloudy and a high of 66. So, dearest weather gods, could you please bring back the sun so my students will find their motivation, stop lying to me, and prepare for class. Thank you.
Incident one included several students walking in up to fifteen minutes late and then being peeved when I cut them off at the same time as the rest of the class. One student argued parking. Not my problem. There are about half as many parking spots as there are people that need them and I always manage to get to class on time to please do me the same courtesy. The other incident included a student who flat out lied to my face. I'm not sure if he thinks I'm stupid or that he's more convincing than he actually is. In any case, don't lie to me. I almost always know when you are and just because I don't always call you on it doesn't mean I don't see it. Sometimes I just don't have the energy to point it out to you.
Then in my afternoon class, there was just a whole lot of obviousness that people were not prepared for class. I actually stopped the class for about twenty minutes, made them leave my room and read. I know it's the end of the semester and people have a lot going on, but come on.....is it possible that everyone read some things but magically everyone didn't read the same thing? Don't think I'm so out of touch with reality to think that everyone reads everything I assign before coming to class. I know that never happens, but it's never happened that every single person neglected to prepare. With only one week to go, there's a lot of ground to make up next week.
I am going to blame it all on the weather. Yesterday was 92 with a hail storm in the afternoon and today is cloudy and a high of 66. So, dearest weather gods, could you please bring back the sun so my students will find their motivation, stop lying to me, and prepare for class. Thank you.
Monday, April 18, 2011
A hitchhiker's guide to college
Always bring a towel. Well, maybe not, but here are some things that you should bring with you.
1. At least $10 in quarters.
2. The knowledge that at least one person is going to tell you you're wrong about something when it's very clear to you that you're absolutely right.
3. The knowledge that that thing you were so absolutely right about......well, you might have been wrong.
4. The fat highlighters. The skinny ones lose all of their ink in about a day and a half, the fat ones last forever! (And if you highlight in orange or green and try to photocopy those lines will appear black - this is why the default highlighter color is yellow - it disappears on a photocopy!)
5. A cup - it's amazing how many times you'll will you had a cup that you know is clean.
6. The knowledge that your oh so sly texting is not going unnoticed by your instructors. They're either ignoring it or taking a mental note and docking your participation grade with a mischievous grin.
7. The knowledge that wherever you sit, if you're falling asleep (especially if your head is lolling from side to side) you're instructor does notice. Again, maybe you didn't get called out, but we always notice.
8. The knowledge that reading extremely dense texts in bed is never a good plan.
9. Flip flops that can get wet. Anyone experienced co-ed bathrooms yet?
10. The realization that everything will take longer than you plan for. It's annoying, but oh so true.
Who's impressed with my ability to procrastinate? I will now return to editing my dissertation.
1. At least $10 in quarters.
2. The knowledge that at least one person is going to tell you you're wrong about something when it's very clear to you that you're absolutely right.
3. The knowledge that that thing you were so absolutely right about......well, you might have been wrong.
4. The fat highlighters. The skinny ones lose all of their ink in about a day and a half, the fat ones last forever! (And if you highlight in orange or green and try to photocopy those lines will appear black - this is why the default highlighter color is yellow - it disappears on a photocopy!)
5. A cup - it's amazing how many times you'll will you had a cup that you know is clean.
6. The knowledge that your oh so sly texting is not going unnoticed by your instructors. They're either ignoring it or taking a mental note and docking your participation grade with a mischievous grin.
7. The knowledge that wherever you sit, if you're falling asleep (especially if your head is lolling from side to side) you're instructor does notice. Again, maybe you didn't get called out, but we always notice.
8. The knowledge that reading extremely dense texts in bed is never a good plan.
9. Flip flops that can get wet. Anyone experienced co-ed bathrooms yet?
10. The realization that everything will take longer than you plan for. It's annoying, but oh so true.
Who's impressed with my ability to procrastinate? I will now return to editing my dissertation.
If you don't get mad in class you're not getting your tuition's worth of education
The set up: Today I was teaching Pirandello and relativism and quite a discussion ensued. It rivaled the love discussion of a few weeks ago to be honest. Yet there were a lot more emotions and unwillingness to concede that one opinion isn't better or worse than another this go round....which of course makes things a lot more interesting.
The details: Let us, for now, accept that a truth for me may not be a truth for you and that because I believe in one thing it does not mean that I'm right and that because you believe in another does not mean you're right.....we are both right (and perhaps both wrong as well) and completely insignificant in the grand scheme of things. I think the best part of all of this is that it forces you to question everything (but of course, what is everything?). Have no doubt, at some point you WILL arrive at a question that you cannot answer and that is when you have to take a good look at yourself, decide if you can justify your beliefs (or take a leap of faith), and then decide how you will proceed.
In a side note, isn't the point of higher education to challenge your beliefs, make you think about what you "believe" and push you to challenge yourself and the constraints that have defined your life up to this point? If it's not, it should be. Maybe I should be at one of those crazy hippie schools where we sit around and wax poetic about stuff all day and then write narrative statements rather than receive grades. I'm having a new appreciation for those types of programs.....I might fit in well there. Or it might drive me nuts. Jury's still out.
I think another important element of higher education should be the give and take of a discussion. Let us, for a moment, consider the word discussion. I take it to mean that we all contribute to the forward movement of our conversation. In so doing, we all listen to each other's point of views, comment on them, decide if we are in agreement, disagreement, or maybe completely void of any reaction, and then we appreciate that contribution and move forward always keeping in mind that we are not the center of the universe and just because we disagree does not mean that one of us has to be wrong. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is what you will find at the end of the rainbow! We are built to want resolutions, yes or no answers, and clear definitions for things. If you are able to accept that some things don't tie up into a shiny pink bow, life will be much easier. WAY easier said than done, though, as I think you will most likely agree.
The question: If someone challenges the very ideas that define you, are they necessarily attacking your way of life?
The details: Let us, for now, accept that a truth for me may not be a truth for you and that because I believe in one thing it does not mean that I'm right and that because you believe in another does not mean you're right.....we are both right (and perhaps both wrong as well) and completely insignificant in the grand scheme of things. I think the best part of all of this is that it forces you to question everything (but of course, what is everything?). Have no doubt, at some point you WILL arrive at a question that you cannot answer and that is when you have to take a good look at yourself, decide if you can justify your beliefs (or take a leap of faith), and then decide how you will proceed.
In a side note, isn't the point of higher education to challenge your beliefs, make you think about what you "believe" and push you to challenge yourself and the constraints that have defined your life up to this point? If it's not, it should be. Maybe I should be at one of those crazy hippie schools where we sit around and wax poetic about stuff all day and then write narrative statements rather than receive grades. I'm having a new appreciation for those types of programs.....I might fit in well there. Or it might drive me nuts. Jury's still out.
I think another important element of higher education should be the give and take of a discussion. Let us, for a moment, consider the word discussion. I take it to mean that we all contribute to the forward movement of our conversation. In so doing, we all listen to each other's point of views, comment on them, decide if we are in agreement, disagreement, or maybe completely void of any reaction, and then we appreciate that contribution and move forward always keeping in mind that we are not the center of the universe and just because we disagree does not mean that one of us has to be wrong. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, this is what you will find at the end of the rainbow! We are built to want resolutions, yes or no answers, and clear definitions for things. If you are able to accept that some things don't tie up into a shiny pink bow, life will be much easier. WAY easier said than done, though, as I think you will most likely agree.
The question: If someone challenges the very ideas that define you, are they necessarily attacking your way of life?
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
5 indications that my students may be getting a little comfy with me
Today was one of those days where I looked around at my adorable little students and thought, "Wowza.....this is not how I thought this whole professor thing was going to work out." First of all, aren't students supposed to be afraid of their big bad professor? I mean, I'm pretty scary, but I think people haven't quite caught on yet. Furthermore, aren't they supposed to hang on my every word? Follow me around after class trying to soak up more and and more and more knowledge? Surprise, this is a rare occurrence. Anyway, sitting in a faculty meeting this afternoon I was thinking about clues that maybe my students are settling into a comfort zone with me. Here are my top 5 clues:
1. During a lecture on Sicily, the Mafia, and pettegolezzi one of my students whipped out her deodorant and started applying it. In class. I thought it was weird. My student didn't.
2. Students now try to invite me to their parties at R-Bar. Uh, there's a reason I will never step foot in that place.....and don't you realize I'm supposed to be old and boring to you?
3. When asked about my weekend and I reveal the tantalizing tales of conference presentation and dissertation research students no longer hide their disgust but wrinkle their noses and state, "Wow. Sounds lame." Granted, it is lame, but come one! Aren't you supposed to suck up and tell me it sounds interesting?
4. Students now openly mock my examples of the passive voice about Britney Spears, Kim Kardashian and Brangelina. I guess I missed the latest version of Us Weekly.....but it's still funny, right?
5. When I walk into a classroom and the discussion is centered upon some drunken debacle, the conversation only gets livelier when I walk in. Aren't you supposed to at least pretend you don't spend every night out drinking? It's not like I don't know you do, but aren't you supposed to feign studiousness?
1. During a lecture on Sicily, the Mafia, and pettegolezzi one of my students whipped out her deodorant and started applying it. In class. I thought it was weird. My student didn't.
2. Students now try to invite me to their parties at R-Bar. Uh, there's a reason I will never step foot in that place.....and don't you realize I'm supposed to be old and boring to you?
3. When asked about my weekend and I reveal the tantalizing tales of conference presentation and dissertation research students no longer hide their disgust but wrinkle their noses and state, "Wow. Sounds lame." Granted, it is lame, but come one! Aren't you supposed to suck up and tell me it sounds interesting?
4. Students now openly mock my examples of the passive voice about Britney Spears, Kim Kardashian and Brangelina. I guess I missed the latest version of Us Weekly.....but it's still funny, right?
5. When I walk into a classroom and the discussion is centered upon some drunken debacle, the conversation only gets livelier when I walk in. Aren't you supposed to at least pretend you don't spend every night out drinking? It's not like I don't know you do, but aren't you supposed to feign studiousness?
Monday, April 11, 2011
My faith in academia has now been restored. Sort of.
I just had the greatest dinner with a guest speaker and some colleagues from work. The guest speaker happens to the be the former dissertation director and mentor of a professor in our department. She came in to give a talk on study abroad, and since I was unable to attend the talk since I was teaching, I figured I'd go to the dinner. GREAT plan!
First of all, the woman is hysterical. I pretty much just want to put her in a box and keep her in my windowless office to make me laugh when I get all bent out of shape. The professor in our department I already love and the two of them actually resemble each other.....and the best part is that they laugh the same way! Which is great because I love the sound of other people laughing.
Furthermore, this woman gave me faith that yes, you can be a lady, be funny, have a kid, publish, and still be funny and normal. Well, normal is relative, but I found her thoroughly entertaining so she's my new girl crush.
So here's my disclaimer to the world: Please stop telling me I need to settle down, change this, mellow out, focus on one thing at once, do this, do that, conform, conform, conform. Shut it, people. In twenty years my former graduate students are going to invite me to give talks at their schools and I'm going to stun all the young faculty by showing them that you can be fabulous, wear amazing shoes, and still be brilliant. I can't wait for it. Oprah will probably want to have a special just on the power women of academia and I'll be invited.
I love it when I realize that it's everyone else that's crazy and I'm on the right track. Such a great feeling.
First of all, the woman is hysterical. I pretty much just want to put her in a box and keep her in my windowless office to make me laugh when I get all bent out of shape. The professor in our department I already love and the two of them actually resemble each other.....and the best part is that they laugh the same way! Which is great because I love the sound of other people laughing.
Furthermore, this woman gave me faith that yes, you can be a lady, be funny, have a kid, publish, and still be funny and normal. Well, normal is relative, but I found her thoroughly entertaining so she's my new girl crush.
So here's my disclaimer to the world: Please stop telling me I need to settle down, change this, mellow out, focus on one thing at once, do this, do that, conform, conform, conform. Shut it, people. In twenty years my former graduate students are going to invite me to give talks at their schools and I'm going to stun all the young faculty by showing them that you can be fabulous, wear amazing shoes, and still be brilliant. I can't wait for it. Oprah will probably want to have a special just on the power women of academia and I'll be invited.
I love it when I realize that it's everyone else that's crazy and I'm on the right track. Such a great feeling.
Sunday, April 10, 2011
An open letter to TV show writers
Dear brilliant minds of television,
I'd like for you to consider this statement: you're not as brilliant as you think. Thanks to Netflix I've been catching up on a lot of TV that I didn't catch the first time around, and without commercials no less! But here is one major issue I've noticed when watching these shows without the ads: they don't hold together! Now I know all about editing and all of that, but you'd be amazed how many inconsistencies people will notice if you condense the time they're watching these shows. The biggest editing problems I've seen so far are these:
1. when headed into a commercial or the end up an episode it's day time and upon return from the break or the start of the next show it's suddenly nighttime (or vice versa) even though the action was supposed to be continuous
2. time sequencing fails all together. Just because you put someone in a change of clothes does not automatically mean it's a new day. Furthermore, you will often have winter followed by summer and the change occurs in only two episodes. You should also allow enough of a lag between action to allow your characters to sleep. You don't have to film them doing it.....but we should get the idea that they're human!
3. editors will cut some scenes but them include them in the "previously seen on" section. Annoying.
4. you often have one character in shorts and no shirt while another appears in a sweater......and everyone is sweating. If it's so hot, remove the sweater!
Now I realize that were I to watch the episodes with commercials and a week in between them, I wouldn't catch all of this.....but it's 2011 people! You need to spend less money on catering and more on editing!
Another problem I see is the inability to plan ahead. I realize that you basically have three episodes to make an impression and shows get canceled after the pilot or at the end of a season without warning, but don't write yourself into a corner! Here are some major problems I've noticed:
1. you use all of your good story lines in the first season and then have nothing to fall back on in the second.
2. you've run out of story lines so you start recycling them......just in a different city. (Prison Break anyone?)
3. you've completed all possible story lines that fit the characters and title.....so you just add more characters. There should never be a show where there are so many characters that you can't name them on two hands and two feet. (Lost anyone?)
4. you end a season with a huge cliff hanger than then get canceled over the summer. Of course every show wants to be renewed....but if there's possibility for cancelation there should always be a way of tying everything up, (My So Called Life anyone?)
Having said all of these things, I think you should hire me to preview your TV shows and I'll tell you if you've got a winner. I happen to have a knack for judging TV I think. I can also tell you if you're headed down a bad road. You never want people to say, "Wow season 1 was so good, but it went downhill from there" (Hello, Lost). Yes you have to start with a bang, but you've got to save a little for the future! And if you get canceled, at least you've got the idea for the next show!
Finally, I'd like to close by saying this: please stop featuring male characters who never use their real voice and instead use that stupid half whisper, half grunt that's supposed to be sexy. It's fine for five minutes and then it just gets annoying. All I can think about is that the poor man was born with a faulty voice box and why hasn't he had surgery to repair the problem yet?! Oh, and if a character flip flops sides of a battle more than once just get rid of him.
Sincerely,
Jessica
I'd like for you to consider this statement: you're not as brilliant as you think. Thanks to Netflix I've been catching up on a lot of TV that I didn't catch the first time around, and without commercials no less! But here is one major issue I've noticed when watching these shows without the ads: they don't hold together! Now I know all about editing and all of that, but you'd be amazed how many inconsistencies people will notice if you condense the time they're watching these shows. The biggest editing problems I've seen so far are these:
1. when headed into a commercial or the end up an episode it's day time and upon return from the break or the start of the next show it's suddenly nighttime (or vice versa) even though the action was supposed to be continuous
2. time sequencing fails all together. Just because you put someone in a change of clothes does not automatically mean it's a new day. Furthermore, you will often have winter followed by summer and the change occurs in only two episodes. You should also allow enough of a lag between action to allow your characters to sleep. You don't have to film them doing it.....but we should get the idea that they're human!
3. editors will cut some scenes but them include them in the "previously seen on" section. Annoying.
4. you often have one character in shorts and no shirt while another appears in a sweater......and everyone is sweating. If it's so hot, remove the sweater!
Now I realize that were I to watch the episodes with commercials and a week in between them, I wouldn't catch all of this.....but it's 2011 people! You need to spend less money on catering and more on editing!
Another problem I see is the inability to plan ahead. I realize that you basically have three episodes to make an impression and shows get canceled after the pilot or at the end of a season without warning, but don't write yourself into a corner! Here are some major problems I've noticed:
1. you use all of your good story lines in the first season and then have nothing to fall back on in the second.
2. you've run out of story lines so you start recycling them......just in a different city. (Prison Break anyone?)
3. you've completed all possible story lines that fit the characters and title.....so you just add more characters. There should never be a show where there are so many characters that you can't name them on two hands and two feet. (Lost anyone?)
4. you end a season with a huge cliff hanger than then get canceled over the summer. Of course every show wants to be renewed....but if there's possibility for cancelation there should always be a way of tying everything up, (My So Called Life anyone?)
Having said all of these things, I think you should hire me to preview your TV shows and I'll tell you if you've got a winner. I happen to have a knack for judging TV I think. I can also tell you if you're headed down a bad road. You never want people to say, "Wow season 1 was so good, but it went downhill from there" (Hello, Lost). Yes you have to start with a bang, but you've got to save a little for the future! And if you get canceled, at least you've got the idea for the next show!
Finally, I'd like to close by saying this: please stop featuring male characters who never use their real voice and instead use that stupid half whisper, half grunt that's supposed to be sexy. It's fine for five minutes and then it just gets annoying. All I can think about is that the poor man was born with a faulty voice box and why hasn't he had surgery to repair the problem yet?! Oh, and if a character flip flops sides of a battle more than once just get rid of him.
Sincerely,
Jessica
Friday, April 8, 2011
10 movies you might be surprised that I love and 5 you might be surprised I hate
I LOVE:
1. Fast and Furious: Tokyo drift.
2. Dirty Dancing
3. Flashdance
4. The Bourne series
5. The Emperor's New Groove
6. The Cutting Edge
7. Secretary
8. Weekend at Bernie's
9. Hangover
10. It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World
I HATE:
1. Casablanca
2. All of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies - I've never even made it through any of them without falling asleep!
3. Fargo
4. Star Wars - To be fair I've never actually seen them. They still annoy me though.
5. It's a Wonderful Life - Again, never seen it but if you've met me you should know how I feel about Christmas and it shouldn't surprise you that I've never seen this movie and I actively avoid it at all costs.
1. Fast and Furious: Tokyo drift.
2. Dirty Dancing
3. Flashdance
4. The Bourne series
5. The Emperor's New Groove
6. The Cutting Edge
7. Secretary
8. Weekend at Bernie's
9. Hangover
10. It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World
I HATE:
1. Casablanca
2. All of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies - I've never even made it through any of them without falling asleep!
3. Fargo
4. Star Wars - To be fair I've never actually seen them. They still annoy me though.
5. It's a Wonderful Life - Again, never seen it but if you've met me you should know how I feel about Christmas and it shouldn't surprise you that I've never seen this movie and I actively avoid it at all costs.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Life lessons from graduate school
As I near the end of my graduate school journey, it's about time to look back and evaluate. My mom always says I should write a handbook for the fresh out of college, bright eyed newbie.....but isn't half the challenge figuring it out for yourself? The answer is YES. Otherwise there would already be a handbook. It's not like graduate school is a new concept. Millions of people have been going to graduate school for hundreds of years. And no one gives away their secrets. However, here are some of the things I've learned (and they're going to seem depressing and jaded but get over yourself, no one finishes graduate school fresh and rosy. If you do, something went very wrong!).
1. You're supposed to feel inadequate. If you don't, you're not doing it right.
2. Graduate school is extremely loosely guided self-paced learning. Although I don't recommend it, I think it's quite possible the laziest of people could emerge from a graduate seminar without really having learned anything.
3. If you enter a PhD program thinking you know what you want to study and you end up writing your dissertation on that subject you're either the most stubborn person alive or you ignored every course you ever took.
4. If a reading list (either for a course or your doctoral exams) seems palatable, something is hidden. If a reading list seems completely over the top and there's no way you could even consult all of those sources, that's the one you should be working from.
5. If you're sleeping 8 hours a night and spending your weekends doing fun and exciting things, you're not working hard enough.
6. You should feel attacked at least once. You never know who will be the one to do it, it could be a professor or another student, but if you're doing the right work, someone should attack your work at some point. If you make it through without embarrassing yourself, congratulations, you've just had your first taste of academia.
7. At some point, hopefully earlier rather than later, you will think you have uncovered a new theory, approach, or movement. You will do a ton of research and still think that you're the first to arrive at this new idea. You're not. You'll turn that paper in, the professor might even get excited about it.....but sooner or later, it will become evident that you just weren't looking in the right place. Your "original" ideas are not original. Someday they might be....but not yet.
8. You live in a bubble. Books and research are your reality. At some point you're going to emerge from your bubble and realize you missed some huge world event that never even made it's way into the farthest corner of your awareness. This is the life of a student.
9. It's always a competition. In class, at conferences, the race for publications.....it's all a competition. Even if you somehow make it through your coursework without feeling it, you will realize it when you're up against a close friend and classmate of yours for the one job that's left out there. And you'll want to win it.
10. If you don't believe in caffeine, you will not make it. If you don't ever need it, you're not doing it right.
1. You're supposed to feel inadequate. If you don't, you're not doing it right.
2. Graduate school is extremely loosely guided self-paced learning. Although I don't recommend it, I think it's quite possible the laziest of people could emerge from a graduate seminar without really having learned anything.
3. If you enter a PhD program thinking you know what you want to study and you end up writing your dissertation on that subject you're either the most stubborn person alive or you ignored every course you ever took.
4. If a reading list (either for a course or your doctoral exams) seems palatable, something is hidden. If a reading list seems completely over the top and there's no way you could even consult all of those sources, that's the one you should be working from.
5. If you're sleeping 8 hours a night and spending your weekends doing fun and exciting things, you're not working hard enough.
6. You should feel attacked at least once. You never know who will be the one to do it, it could be a professor or another student, but if you're doing the right work, someone should attack your work at some point. If you make it through without embarrassing yourself, congratulations, you've just had your first taste of academia.
7. At some point, hopefully earlier rather than later, you will think you have uncovered a new theory, approach, or movement. You will do a ton of research and still think that you're the first to arrive at this new idea. You're not. You'll turn that paper in, the professor might even get excited about it.....but sooner or later, it will become evident that you just weren't looking in the right place. Your "original" ideas are not original. Someday they might be....but not yet.
8. You live in a bubble. Books and research are your reality. At some point you're going to emerge from your bubble and realize you missed some huge world event that never even made it's way into the farthest corner of your awareness. This is the life of a student.
9. It's always a competition. In class, at conferences, the race for publications.....it's all a competition. Even if you somehow make it through your coursework without feeling it, you will realize it when you're up against a close friend and classmate of yours for the one job that's left out there. And you'll want to win it.
10. If you don't believe in caffeine, you will not make it. If you don't ever need it, you're not doing it right.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
I'm vintage. You should pay lots of money and then wear me to an awards show - as your arm candy, not a skin suit.
Yesterday Jeff and I went to Molly and Mike's wedding (and sent happy vibes to Jim and Abby as it was their wedding day too) and we had yet another conversation about how we are in SUCH a different place than most of the people we grew up with. Here's my conclusion: I'm not behind, I'm not old, I'm not washed up, I'm vintage. Vintage is hot, everyone who's everyone loves vintage. Therefore everyone loves me. How's that for rational reasoning?! Perhaps you too may be in the vintage club....here are a few pointers to help you figure it out.
1. 99% of the people you went to high school with are married/married with kids/divorced already. You, on the other hand, are still trying to learn how to keep a plant alive for more than a week.
2. Your friends are buying houses, getting pregnant, investing in second and third cars. You, on the other hand, pay rent and your car is the most expensive and precious item you own.
3. Your girlfriends are hosting book clubs, shopping parties, and dinner parties. You, on the other hand, are still drinking $1 well drinks at the dive bars.
4. Your friends' facebook updates are all about their kids, parent-teacher meetings, and how much they love their in-laws. Yours, on the other hand, revolve around your single and fabulous lifestyle.
5. Your girlfriends are starting to wear mom jeans and shop at places like Coldwater Creek, Ann Taylor, and always wear sensible shoes. You, on the other hand, have learned to dress your age, but haven't yet graduated to mom jeans.....you pretty much look awesome all the time and only believe in stunning shoes.
6. Your girlfriends love big bags, but inside are diapers, matchbox cars and juiceboxes. Your big purse, on the other hand, has your emergency kit: hangover cure, extra change of clothes, dancing shoes for when stilettos are retired for the evening, and a travel toothbrush.
7. When going out for an evening on the town your girlfriends have the big purse in tow and have to check in with the babysitter. You, on the other hand, have a cute little clutch that holds nothing more than your cell phone, car key, ID, and lipstick. Your only call will be to figure out what party you'll appear at next.
8. When your friends go to the grocery store they buy sensible meals and enough food for three for a whole week. You, on the other hand, end up with goat cheese, strawberries, water, and frozen burritos.
1. 99% of the people you went to high school with are married/married with kids/divorced already. You, on the other hand, are still trying to learn how to keep a plant alive for more than a week.
2. Your friends are buying houses, getting pregnant, investing in second and third cars. You, on the other hand, pay rent and your car is the most expensive and precious item you own.
3. Your girlfriends are hosting book clubs, shopping parties, and dinner parties. You, on the other hand, are still drinking $1 well drinks at the dive bars.
4. Your friends' facebook updates are all about their kids, parent-teacher meetings, and how much they love their in-laws. Yours, on the other hand, revolve around your single and fabulous lifestyle.
5. Your girlfriends are starting to wear mom jeans and shop at places like Coldwater Creek, Ann Taylor, and always wear sensible shoes. You, on the other hand, have learned to dress your age, but haven't yet graduated to mom jeans.....you pretty much look awesome all the time and only believe in stunning shoes.
6. Your girlfriends love big bags, but inside are diapers, matchbox cars and juiceboxes. Your big purse, on the other hand, has your emergency kit: hangover cure, extra change of clothes, dancing shoes for when stilettos are retired for the evening, and a travel toothbrush.
7. When going out for an evening on the town your girlfriends have the big purse in tow and have to check in with the babysitter. You, on the other hand, have a cute little clutch that holds nothing more than your cell phone, car key, ID, and lipstick. Your only call will be to figure out what party you'll appear at next.
8. When your friends go to the grocery store they buy sensible meals and enough food for three for a whole week. You, on the other hand, end up with goat cheese, strawberries, water, and frozen burritos.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Common sense, people. Common. Sense.
Someone recently asked me to give them advice on a tricky situation in Italy. After an explanation of the situation (which yes, was very tricky indeed), I spent an hour or so doing to research on how to work your way around the rules. I was unsuccessful (surprise), but I did find over and over and over again an explanation of the laws that this person was in violation of.
Here's my question: Isn't survival of the fittest supposed to thin out the pack? Now I know that survival of the fittest has a different connotation today than it might have for the cave dwellers........but come on! If you were going to move to Antarctica, would you not do a google search on the warmest winter clothing? If you were cooking dinner for a kosher person, would you not look up what foods were acceptable? If you were going to buy a car, would you not shop around a little bit? So how do some people end up in these situations and then need someone else to help them get out of it? I would bet you money that it's because they didn't bother to read the paperwork, do a google search, or ask anyone what they should do to get ready.
Here's the thing about Italy: there are laws, there are rules, and there there's what people actually follow. We all know that no one follows the speed limit in Italy. We also know that they don't pay attention to one way streets, driving cautiously, or parking in a calm, organized, and rational manner. This is why we love taking pictures of tiny little Italian streets with 85 cars parked in the space that should only fit 4. Another lovable fact about Italy is the.....I'm looking for the right word here.....loose? enforcement on some of their laws. However, does that mean if you're a tourist that you should ignore them? I would say no. Failure to follow the laws of another country can result in you ending up on one of my favorite National Geographic shows: Locked Up Abroad.
So my dear ones, here are some rules to live by when planning your trip to Italy:
1. Remember that Italy is part of the EU so not only do you need to inform yourself of Italy's regulations, but also those of the EU.
2. When in doubt, go with the flow. As stated above, Italians are not known for being great obeyers of rules, but you don't want to be the one who sticks out.
3. Do not advertise that you're a foreigner. Believe me, it's already obvious, so don't do anything to intensify your other-ness (white socks, college sweatshirts, baseball hats, yelling in English, etc).
Here's my question: Isn't survival of the fittest supposed to thin out the pack? Now I know that survival of the fittest has a different connotation today than it might have for the cave dwellers........but come on! If you were going to move to Antarctica, would you not do a google search on the warmest winter clothing? If you were cooking dinner for a kosher person, would you not look up what foods were acceptable? If you were going to buy a car, would you not shop around a little bit? So how do some people end up in these situations and then need someone else to help them get out of it? I would bet you money that it's because they didn't bother to read the paperwork, do a google search, or ask anyone what they should do to get ready.
Here's the thing about Italy: there are laws, there are rules, and there there's what people actually follow. We all know that no one follows the speed limit in Italy. We also know that they don't pay attention to one way streets, driving cautiously, or parking in a calm, organized, and rational manner. This is why we love taking pictures of tiny little Italian streets with 85 cars parked in the space that should only fit 4. Another lovable fact about Italy is the.....I'm looking for the right word here.....loose? enforcement on some of their laws. However, does that mean if you're a tourist that you should ignore them? I would say no. Failure to follow the laws of another country can result in you ending up on one of my favorite National Geographic shows: Locked Up Abroad.
So my dear ones, here are some rules to live by when planning your trip to Italy:
1. Remember that Italy is part of the EU so not only do you need to inform yourself of Italy's regulations, but also those of the EU.
2. When in doubt, go with the flow. As stated above, Italians are not known for being great obeyers of rules, but you don't want to be the one who sticks out.
3. Do not advertise that you're a foreigner. Believe me, it's already obvious, so don't do anything to intensify your other-ness (white socks, college sweatshirts, baseball hats, yelling in English, etc).
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