I just can't get on board with that!

As most of you know I'm a reality show junkie.  Real housewives, Flipping Out, Kathy Griffin, Amazing Race....I love them all.  However, this recent string of reality shows has taken a turn for the worst and I've actually had to invest in Netflix instead of watching them (a big step for an anti-Netflix person).  Here are the top 5 reality shows that I just can't buy into and why.

1.  The Bachelor: I read in US Weekly that this bachelor already had a show.  I can't remember what happened....obviously they broke up, but I find it weird that they can't find some other guy.  Plus, of all the seasons of bachelor and bachelorette, isn't Trista the only one that worked out?  I don't now how many seasons there have been, but it's obviously NOT WORKING!  Here's the other thing: you're all basically making out with each other!!!  If he kisses girl A and then girl B comes along and kisses him, then girl A and girl B just kissed each other!  I think there are like 25 girls.....that's a whole lotta yucky if you ask me. And I'm pretty sure the "fantasy suite" has some hanky panky going on which means, again, THAT'S A WHOLE LOTTA YUCK!

2.  Jersey Shore: What do you people do?  Drink too much, get in fights, demand exorbitant amounts of money to appear at events....and all in front of a camera.  The only tidbit I every watched included one guy not wanting to make out with some girls, so his buddy came along and had a threesome with them in a dirty bar bathroom.  Then they all went home, peed in the hot tub, and yelled at the girls until one cried and the other punched the refrigerator.  Why would I watch that?

3.  Real Housewives of Atlanta: Annoying.  None of you even like each other, you can't sing, one of you is pregnant buy your married-to-someone-else-sugardaddy (or maybe an NFL player?), another screams at her soon-to-be-ex-husband in front of the camera while giving marriage advice to the run-away-bride, and then the others just sort of drift in and out without really contributing anything to the show.  Lame.  Boring.  Stupid.

4.  Survivor: I've never seen a whole season, and maybe that's the problem, but come on!  You're on season, what?  85?  How entertaining is it to watch people get eaten alive by tzi tzi flies and attempt to avoid skin cancer while living on some remote island on the equator without any sunscreen?  Any why are their challenges stupid things like holding your arms out to the side for as long as possible.  How does that earn you a scoop of rice, or a real shower, or a pair of sunglasses?  I think there needs to be a new show, new location, new host, and new challenges.

5.  Tabatha's Salon Takeover: This woman travels around to different cities fixing salons and helping them turn around their business.  There is no doubt a cockroach, a wad of dirty hair, unwashed towels, and most likely a pissy receptionist who can't answer the phone.  But....where is your salon?  Shouldn't the show be focused on your success rather than some crappy salons dirty nasty bad business?  Maybe it's better for stylists and I just don't get it because I can't understand the intricacies of the salon business....but then shouldn't you explain that better?  Anyway.  The whole "Give me your keys.  I'm taking over" things is a little tired for me.

Clearly, Bravo TV should be calling me.  How do I get a job telling them what shows are good and which ones are flops?  Obviously that was my true calling and I got lost in the language wing when I was in college.  Bravo TV, I await your call.