Footnotes are overrated

I've spend the last week "thinking" about my dissertation (which I've also spent the last 18 months doing...which is why it's done in my head but not yet on paper).  We started school this week which has meant that the last two weeks have been dominated by organizational bootcamp.  I trained two new teaching assistants, taught our department how to work the new online component linked to our book, taught myself how to use the one linked to second year courses, discovered the bookstore ordered the wrong books for my upper division class, didn't order enough for our first year classes, and that half of my second year students have been on a two year break from Italian.  Lovely.

So today I finally made my way to a coffee shop (by way of Staples and my office) and have officially written two pages and four footnotes.  But here's my issue: footnotes are overrated.  I get them in theory: it's information that you want to include but is not directly pertinent to what you're discussing.  So then shouldn't I leave it out?  Or put it in the next paragraph or chapter or whatever?  I have a professor at UNC that says a good paper is half writing half footnotes.  No.  That is a very unorganized writer I think.  One semester we read the Decameron and it came as a two book set: one was the primary text and the other was the notes.  How many people do you think read the notes?  I've used that set at least four times in my academic career and it's only this last time that I opened the notes and do you know why?  Because I couldn't be bothered to reread the primary text!  And here's the thing, if you have a decent professor (and if you don't you shouldn't be taking that class from them anyway) they tell you everything that's in those notes!  And then they tell you what they think about it....and then you discuss what you think about them.  So why do I need to put them into this dissertation that no one other than my parents and my dissertation committee is ever going to read?!

Now the real question: should I run for Miss Texas United States?  I can't decide if i should bite the bullet and enter at-large to run in the state pageant or if I should wait till the Spring and have a go at a local.  Decisions, decisions.  Clearly I need to sort out my priorities (can you name the movie that comes from?  If you can I'll give you a footnote in my dissertation).

Reality Check

Oh dear lord.....they want me to pay tuition to defend this thing?!  And now I'm an out of state student (because I wasn't smart enough to keep an in-state PO Box) and it costs a gazillion dollars to put myself through that grueling defense.  And, there's the possibility that if I get pushed back past the last date to get on the graduation list I'll have to pay for a second semester.  Joy.  I guess I really didn't take into account how lucky I was to get my tuition paid for since I graduated college and I obviously have no sense of how much it costs to get educated these days.

But here's the thing.  None of those real housewives have a PhD do they?  And they make WAY more money than I ever will.....so whose idea was it to start down this path of insecurity, late nights, and constant self doubt?  Certainly not mine.  Why would I choose to put myself through all of this?  Someone should really council innocent doctoral students on the errors of their ways when start applying for advanced degrees.  I certainly will.  Maybe not.....you probably forget all the bad parts once it's all over.  Or, more likely, it's a big inside joke and everyone wants to see how many other dummies will submit themselves to the hell that is dissertation writing.  Yup, I'm pretty sure that's it.

Stop acting like a 2 year old

This is my realization of the morning: my dissertation (and probably everyone else's as well) is stuck in the terrible twos and unfortunately it doesn't look like there's any chance of it growing out of it.  You know how two year olds go through this phase where they hate everyone, everything, and say "no" regardless of the question they were asked?  My dissertation does that too.  Since I don't have any kids and have never had to deal with a toddler, I'm kind of at a loss on how I should whip this bad boy into shape.  So here's my plan: make it bow down to me by conquering its inanimate willpower.  My plan of attack is a little foggy.... but by the end of today it will be reduced to a state of submission.  I'm not going to lie, I'm pretty excited about that.  Stay tuned for how that all works out.

Dear dissertation, I love you....but mostly I hate you.

I have no idea whose idea this was, but I want a refund!  I hate my dissertation and everything it represents.  And in this moment, right now, I would love to take it and burn it.  Someone told me that when you start to hate it is when you're making progress.....but I think they lied.

Everyday I have grand plans of writing two pages (the magic formula according to everyone I've talked to) but I get distracted by facebook, the Real Housewives of every city on earth, and the obsessive checking of my email.  I probably have a disorder, extreme avoidance disorder, or something like that.

I was supposed to write the bulk over the summer to I would be on track to graduate in December and not have to worry about writing once school starts (less than two weeks from now) but instead, I took a group of 30 Texans to Italy - an experience that deserves its own blog - but needless to say there was no time for writing this summer.  So, I decided I'd write when I got home.....not taking into account the fact that I had to move to a new apartment, go visit the fam, and then train two new teachers (with two new books).  Yup, good plan.

So I want a refund.  Today I've spend nearly six hours at the computer and I wrote one paragraph.  And it's not even a good one!  Although I did use the word "juxtapose" and have already quoted the primary text, so I think I deserve a break.  Hence the blog post.