So this weekend was the regional MLA conference for the South Central region and somehow or another I got roped into it. I say that not because I don't like going to conferences, but because I really didn't even know I was going until about three weeks ago when I got a urgent message saying I still hadn't paid my registration fees. So, I figured, well, what the heck?!
So, after class on Friday I got in the car and drive the 5 hours to Hot Springs ("boyhood home of President Bill Clinton" for those of you who aren't impressed). But of course I misprinted the directions and in the dark in the middle of a dark and twisty road in rural in Arkansas with questionable looking characters at a gas station I'm locked in my car, asking my mom in Seattle asking her to google where I am and how far I have to go.
When I finally got to the hotel I found out that they were "pretty booked" and despite my reservation didn't actually have a room for me. While the lame-o clerk didn't have the authority to do anything but ask repeatedly in a monotone voice what language I studied and why my hair dryer had that "thing" (aka diffuser) on the end of it, we anxiously awaited the supervisor to "find" me a room. So I got an upgrade (to a room with a tub and shower rather than just a shower stall). But it was also and end room that looked at the loading dock, didn't have any heat, and had paper thin walls. Lovely.
So I ordered room service since I got the last parking spot a block down in the free garage and didn't feel like trekking back through the 3" puddle (surprise it was the last spot and I didn't feel like paying $15 for valet) to go back out and get food. I ordered a taco salad.....and an hour later it showed up. Granted, it was good when it got there. It was also the hottest thing in the room (regular room temperature whereas I was clearly sitting in Arkansas's idea of an icebox).
This morning I got up early and went to register. No one showed up to our panel. And when I say no one. I mean, we even begged the woman who came into steal a chair for the panel next door to stay. We even asked some random passerby to listen in. They both said no. So we read to each other. That was fun. Or awkward. You decide.
So, about thirteen hours after my arrival in the bustling metropolis of Hot Springs, AR I was headed back home. And I like to sing int he car as much as the next guy, but 10 hrs in 24? It's a little much. But, I'm glad I went. Turns out the three South Central Region Italiansts (2 + me that is) are AWESOME. You probably already knew that (because I'm one of them), but let me just tell you again. WE ROCK. You should be jealous. And you should come listen to the next panel so we aren't alone again. Having to do it more than once would just be weird.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Communal peeing
Critics agree that Harley is a little outside the norm when it comes to mature kitties. And his latest quirk? He likes to pee every time I do.....even if he doesn't have to go. And if I try to sneak into the bathroom? He comes running (you'll remember he wears a purple rhinestoned collar with a bell) from wherever he is and takes a running leap into his litter box. Weird right? Not only! The other day someone who doesn't live here was over and used the bathroom (of course closing the door) and Harley was beside himself! When I went, he actually opened the door while I was doing the deed and took a big leap into his box and squeezed out a drop or two. Yup, that's my cat.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Teacher hell
Of course we're all familiar with Dante's inferno, but did you know that teachers have their very own? See now, what would you want to deal with for the rest of eternity?
Circle 1: The wannabes - Those poor souls that want to be teachers but have no idea about the grading, endless hours of lesson planning, curriculum writing, grading, planning, grading, student meetings, grading, grading, grading.
Circle 2: Committee work - You always think it's not going to really be that big of a deal and then before you know it you're banging your head against the wall because half of your day was taken up by writing new committee requirements or trying to chase down the right person to give you the right verbiage so you're not opening up your committee to law suits.
Circle 3: Stalker students - They come in many forms. There are those that just don't realize they are only one of 200 students you see on a daily basis. Then there are the ones that have little crushes on you and can't stay away. Then there are the weird creepy one that just keep showing up and you're really unclear on why.
Circle 4: Study abroad - Yes, putting it together can be a nightmare. Yes, schlepping 30 wide-eyed Texans can be challenging, but dealing with a system that changes every year is the worst part. Especially when they change it, don't tell you, and then expect you to know what to do next.
Circle 5: Incompletes - Apparently students don't know why incompletes exist or why you can't even issue one until the last part of the semester. Don't you love it when they ask you the day before the drop deadline for an incomplete for the semester?
Circle 6: Finals - You'd think this would be at the bottom, but no. Finals are bad, but at least you don't have to teach the next week. You just have to grade like the wind so you can get your grades in on time.
Circle 7: Drop deadline day - This is the day when every student who is on the verge of failing shows up expecting you to tell them if they'll pass the class (no matter you haven't seen them in days and assumed they'd dropped a month earlier when they stopped showing up, turning in hw, or taking tests). And then of course, it's your responsibility to have drop forms and all the information on the appropriate offices to drop all of these things off.
Circle 8: Day after drop deadline day - This is the day when every student (who hasn't shown up at all since day 1) realizes that they're now screwed because although they're too irresponsible to drop the class they're not attending, you didn't email them to remind them to do it. Therefore, they're screwed, it's the teachers fault, and there's no way you could ever understand how complicated, difficult, and demanding their life is.
Circle 9: Midterms - Here's why they're bad: they all happen at the same time. This week I have to grade two sets of second year midterms, one set of first year finals, two sets of second year compositions, one set of first year compositions, one set of third year midterms . . . and teach normal classes on top of that.
Circle 2: Committee work - You always think it's not going to really be that big of a deal and then before you know it you're banging your head against the wall because half of your day was taken up by writing new committee requirements or trying to chase down the right person to give you the right verbiage so you're not opening up your committee to law suits.
Circle 3: Stalker students - They come in many forms. There are those that just don't realize they are only one of 200 students you see on a daily basis. Then there are the ones that have little crushes on you and can't stay away. Then there are the weird creepy one that just keep showing up and you're really unclear on why.
Circle 4: Study abroad - Yes, putting it together can be a nightmare. Yes, schlepping 30 wide-eyed Texans can be challenging, but dealing with a system that changes every year is the worst part. Especially when they change it, don't tell you, and then expect you to know what to do next.
Circle 5: Incompletes - Apparently students don't know why incompletes exist or why you can't even issue one until the last part of the semester. Don't you love it when they ask you the day before the drop deadline for an incomplete for the semester?
Circle 6: Finals - You'd think this would be at the bottom, but no. Finals are bad, but at least you don't have to teach the next week. You just have to grade like the wind so you can get your grades in on time.
Circle 7: Drop deadline day - This is the day when every student who is on the verge of failing shows up expecting you to tell them if they'll pass the class (no matter you haven't seen them in days and assumed they'd dropped a month earlier when they stopped showing up, turning in hw, or taking tests). And then of course, it's your responsibility to have drop forms and all the information on the appropriate offices to drop all of these things off.
Circle 8: Day after drop deadline day - This is the day when every student (who hasn't shown up at all since day 1) realizes that they're now screwed because although they're too irresponsible to drop the class they're not attending, you didn't email them to remind them to do it. Therefore, they're screwed, it's the teachers fault, and there's no way you could ever understand how complicated, difficult, and demanding their life is.
Circle 9: Midterms - Here's why they're bad: they all happen at the same time. This week I have to grade two sets of second year midterms, one set of first year finals, two sets of second year compositions, one set of first year compositions, one set of third year midterms . . . and teach normal classes on top of that.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Kate, this one's for you
So a friend from high school thinks that my mature kitty, Harley, deserves his own blog. I'm not sure he can commit to that seeing as he sleeps 23 hours a day and only wakes up to move to the next room and go back to sleep, we're going to test drive this idea.
Here's what Harley has to say about this week at Chez Jessica.
1. I prefer to keep my eyes closed, or only open in tiny little slits, while I sleep, walk around, eat, and poop. I don't know why people keep trying to get me to open my eyes. It's weird.
2. Since I'm neutered, I can't really say if I like boys or girls, but here are three things I do like: purple, rhinestones, jingle bells. Thank you mommy for my new collar.
3. Dear wind: I don't like you. That's why I try to bite you every time you come through the window.
4. My current obsessions are two: playing with my laser toy (and when I say playing I mean I chase it for about three minutes then I lie down and watch it for the next ten) and playing scrunch rug. It's a very complicated game where I find every rug in the house and scrunch it up into a ball and make people trip. It's super fun. You should try it.
5. I don't like sitting water. Why would I drink from the strategically placed water bowls when I can drink directly from the faucet and get nice, fresh, running water?
6. I don't like to be held. I don't like to open my mouth. Therefore when Jessica holds me for more than three minutes I whine. With my mouth closed. It's sounds eerily like a 2-year old child.
7. I like small spaces, this is why I have burrowed my very own fort in the bottom of the pageant gowns in the closet. Forts are only cool if they include rhinestones and silk charmeuse.
8. Since people are starting to doubt my masculinity I have decided to sit spread eagle on the bed for at least ten minutes each day. I try to hit the time when people are around too.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Harley: my flamboyant kitty child
Today I bought Harley a new collar since his humane society ugly yellow one was getting a little old. So, if course I wanted the pink rhinestone one, but seeing as my ten year old mature kitty child is a man, I opted for purple rhinestones. Obviously that's more manly. But then I really started paying attention and guess what I noticed? Harley's a little prissy. Does your cat:
- drink prissily from the bathroom faucet but be very careful not to get his paws wet and track kitty footprints across the counter?
- do pageant feet when he sits and stares away from you?
- sleep between all of your fluffy pageant gowns all day and all night long?
- lick the gravy but avoid the solid pieces of his food? What other cat is on a liquid diet?!
- flirt with the dogs who are pooping two floors below?
I think I got a one of a kind cat. What do you think?
- drink prissily from the bathroom faucet but be very careful not to get his paws wet and track kitty footprints across the counter?
- do pageant feet when he sits and stares away from you?
- sleep between all of your fluffy pageant gowns all day and all night long?
- lick the gravy but avoid the solid pieces of his food? What other cat is on a liquid diet?!
- flirt with the dogs who are pooping two floors below?
I think I got a one of a kind cat. What do you think?
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Oh no they didn't
One of my (sometimes unwanted) hidden talents is to be able to make people feel comfortable enough to share their feelings with me very very quickly. Sometimes that's a good trait to have, other times it makes me want to reach out and slap people across the face. First of all, if you wouldn't normally say something to someone else why must you say it to me? Here's a list of this week's "Oh no they didn't" declarations. And let me just tell you, oh yes they did.
1. "Don't go falling in love with me." What?! How could I not?! I mean, I always fall for self-righteous, self-centered, egotistical weirdos. The questions is, do you really think that after talking to me for ten minutes that I just can't help by falling hopelessly in love with you?
2. After I explained twice that we offer this particular class at 10, 12, and 2. "But my class meets 9:30-11 so obviously I can't register for any of those class times." I can't help you when you're in stupid mode. Come find me when common sense has kicked back in.
3. "I don't know why everyone thinks English is so hard." Until you've tried to learn it or explain it to someone who doesn't speak English, you have no idea. Ever tried explaining the difference between lead, lead, and led to a non-English speaker?
4. "You take people to Sicily?! Isn't that dangerous? I mean, what if the Mafia starts acting up." No comment. Except that you're an idiot.
5. "You're so busy you never have time to go out? That's too bad. Can you do this for me?" Look, don't knock my schedule if you're just going to add things to it. Thanks.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
It's the end of the world as we know it
I've come to a realization: REM was right and I'm finally on board (anyone who knows me at all knows I'm anti-fad and I'm always a little behind the power curve. So while everyone else gets on board with something in 2004, I might make my appearance in early 2008). Here are the top ten signs that we're all about to kill ourselves off:
1. Common sense seems to have taken a permanent leave of absence from about 98% of the population.
2. People have stopped investigating anything and instead just blindly believe whatever they're told.
3. Students have suddenly become elitist and entitled. "I pay for this class, doesn't that mean I should pass it with flying colors while I do nothing, show up only sporadically, text while you're talking, and roll my eyes every time you call on me?" Uh . . . . NO.
4. Reality TV watchers think that what they're seeing is actual reality. It's not . . . . nor will it ever be.
5. Texas universities shut down for an entire week because of snow and ice.
6. It snows and ices every year here in Texas yet the city doesn't own one salt truck, one sand truck, or even have snow plows that can attach to the city trucks in our time of need. Uh . . . . if it snows every year and every year the city shuts down for days on end, buy a freaking snow plow and some salt!
7. Paris Hilton is somehow still famous. For nothing.
8. I can hold my phone up to my face and see live shots of Italy while talking on skype on my wifi app. Obviously the machines are about two nanoseconds away from taking over the world.
9. Beam me up technology is clearly still being kept secret and we're all a slave to TSA and endless flights and stinky passengers who have BO and fart in our directions. Gross.
10. Google books is trying to take all the real books away from us. I still say you understand something 20x better when you can hold it in your hand and write on it.
1. Common sense seems to have taken a permanent leave of absence from about 98% of the population.
2. People have stopped investigating anything and instead just blindly believe whatever they're told.
3. Students have suddenly become elitist and entitled. "I pay for this class, doesn't that mean I should pass it with flying colors while I do nothing, show up only sporadically, text while you're talking, and roll my eyes every time you call on me?" Uh . . . . NO.
4. Reality TV watchers think that what they're seeing is actual reality. It's not . . . . nor will it ever be.
5. Texas universities shut down for an entire week because of snow and ice.
6. It snows and ices every year here in Texas yet the city doesn't own one salt truck, one sand truck, or even have snow plows that can attach to the city trucks in our time of need. Uh . . . . if it snows every year and every year the city shuts down for days on end, buy a freaking snow plow and some salt!
7. Paris Hilton is somehow still famous. For nothing.
8. I can hold my phone up to my face and see live shots of Italy while talking on skype on my wifi app. Obviously the machines are about two nanoseconds away from taking over the world.
9. Beam me up technology is clearly still being kept secret and we're all a slave to TSA and endless flights and stinky passengers who have BO and fart in our directions. Gross.
10. Google books is trying to take all the real books away from us. I still say you understand something 20x better when you can hold it in your hand and write on it.
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