It seems that this semester I have developed a series of superpowers......but they are not as appealing as they might initially appear.
1. Invisibility - This must be why people have started ignoring me, not listening to me, and pretending I don't exist.
2. Invincibility - This must be why people think it's ok to screw with things they have no business messing with.....because they think I'll just bounce right back from it.
3. Super-sensory hearing - It's amazing what I've heard this semester. I've heard good things and a lost of bad things......and most of it I just picked up as is drifted through my open office door.
4. No need to sleep - God forbid I should sleep! There's a dissertation to be finished, courses to be proposed, committees to be worked on, evaluations to be completed, book reviews to be written, textbook reviews to be administered, papers to be graded, and 80 million emails to be answered.
5. Unending focus - Clearly this is why I have 10 thousand things flying at me at all moments of the day. It's also why at any given moment I have between two and six different windows open on my computer, while I work on my email on my phone and talk on speaker phone at the same time.
I know, I'm a pretty big deal. You want to be me, right? Yup.....I didn't think so.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Life's simples pleasures.....and LOST
Today was one of those days where I had very few things to do and expected that a few hours in the office would be sufficient to accomplish them. Well, surprise, welcome to my life. Nothing ever works like that. I accomplished one thing on my list of five and then twelve other things that popped up out of nowhere. Honestly, I don't even know why I bother planning my time. IT NEVER WORKS OUT! However, I realized that I did get to indulge in some of my favorite simple pleasures.
1. Crossing so many things off of your to-do list that you get to make a new one - and add the new 12 things you need to do.
2. Getting in the car and it's the perfect temperature and you don't need AC or heat.
3. Eating the perfect amount of dinner so your tummy doesn't hurt because it's so full but you aren't still hungry. And you have the perfect amount of leftovers for tomorrow's perfectly portioned dinner.
4. Being able to find exactly what you need out of a book by finding it in the table of contents and not wasting time reading pages and pages of crap that doesn't matter.
5. Coca-cola classic.
In other news I have discovered LOST. Yes, I know it's late.....but whatever, I don't believe in fads. I get on board when things are retro and charmingly vintage. Here are my thoughts on LOST: I would never make it on an island unless Sayid was there to protect me, and the rest of the creepy crazies would probably just annoy me. So far I think I like it, but I mean, hello! This is so Hollywood! Despite that, the part that really bothers me the most are these three things:
1. Those actors were forced to be sweaty and wet and in dirty clothes and rolling around in the dirt for SEVEN SEASONS!!! I know they were paid millions and they got to live in Hawaii, but gross. They probably had dirty fingernails for years!
2. Maggie Grace. She's an annoying character, her facial expressions are disturbing and her legs bend funny. I just saw the episode where she slept with her step brother the other day and now she was shot by the other most annoying person on the planet (Michelle Rodriguez - I hate her in everything I see her in) after Sayid professed his love for her. Drama.
3. Harold Perrineau's character Michael (and his kid). The fist time I saw Harold was in Baz Luhrmann's Romeo and Juliet.....he played Mercutio (anyone remember?). He was amazing. Since then, he's always been Mercutio in my mind and I definitely picture him either in drag or declaring himself a "grave man" (obviously the best double entendre ever written, way to go Shakespeare). In the show he's an annoying single dad who "inherits" his son after his not-so-nice-never-wife dies unexpectedly. The kid is horrific, and yes I know that's part of his character, but did they tell him to leave his mouth hanging open all the time? And now he's creepy because he keeps appearing to people dripping wet in the jungle.
Anyway, I'm on season 2 and I think I'm about 70% on board with the show. It's starting to get pretty out there and I've heard it gets worse......but we shall see.
1. Crossing so many things off of your to-do list that you get to make a new one - and add the new 12 things you need to do.
2. Getting in the car and it's the perfect temperature and you don't need AC or heat.
3. Eating the perfect amount of dinner so your tummy doesn't hurt because it's so full but you aren't still hungry. And you have the perfect amount of leftovers for tomorrow's perfectly portioned dinner.
4. Being able to find exactly what you need out of a book by finding it in the table of contents and not wasting time reading pages and pages of crap that doesn't matter.
5. Coca-cola classic.
In other news I have discovered LOST. Yes, I know it's late.....but whatever, I don't believe in fads. I get on board when things are retro and charmingly vintage. Here are my thoughts on LOST: I would never make it on an island unless Sayid was there to protect me, and the rest of the creepy crazies would probably just annoy me. So far I think I like it, but I mean, hello! This is so Hollywood! Despite that, the part that really bothers me the most are these three things:
1. Those actors were forced to be sweaty and wet and in dirty clothes and rolling around in the dirt for SEVEN SEASONS!!! I know they were paid millions and they got to live in Hawaii, but gross. They probably had dirty fingernails for years!
2. Maggie Grace. She's an annoying character, her facial expressions are disturbing and her legs bend funny. I just saw the episode where she slept with her step brother the other day and now she was shot by the other most annoying person on the planet (Michelle Rodriguez - I hate her in everything I see her in) after Sayid professed his love for her. Drama.
3. Harold Perrineau's character Michael (and his kid). The fist time I saw Harold was in Baz Luhrmann's Romeo and Juliet.....he played Mercutio (anyone remember?). He was amazing. Since then, he's always been Mercutio in my mind and I definitely picture him either in drag or declaring himself a "grave man" (obviously the best double entendre ever written, way to go Shakespeare). In the show he's an annoying single dad who "inherits" his son after his not-so-nice-never-wife dies unexpectedly. The kid is horrific, and yes I know that's part of his character, but did they tell him to leave his mouth hanging open all the time? And now he's creepy because he keeps appearing to people dripping wet in the jungle.
Anyway, I'm on season 2 and I think I'm about 70% on board with the show. It's starting to get pretty out there and I've heard it gets worse......but we shall see.
Monday, March 7, 2011
On picking your reality show
I'm watching the Bachelor reunion and I have some thoughts. I am constantly in awe of these crazy ladies who think that they will find love after 3 half dates with 25 other ladies on the Bachelor. I mean, really, how long do they actually know each other? 5 days and then even if you are picked you have to hide it for like three months. OF COURSE IT NEVER WORKS OUT! Have any of them worked out? No.....in fact this Bachelor is back for his second time! Obviously there is a vital flaw in the premise of the show! Anyway, in the world according to Jessica, here are some rules that should be considered when selecting your reality show.
1. Ladies, when picking your reality show, consider what you're being asked to do. Do you really think that leaving your life for some period of days week or months to "fall in love" alongside 30 other women is how you're going to find your soulmate?
2. If you're not a designer, why would you go on a show like Project Runway. All you've done is secured your place in the gossip columns as a fake and wannabe.
3. If you're on a show that has a confessional, everything you say in there will be broadcast (and cut to be even worse) to the entire world. Don't bash your cast mates because they will come after you at the reunion special.
4. If you're not friends with someone, don't preach that you are. The world is well aware that all of these women on the Real Housewives series were not friends before the show. Stop trying to fake a history together!
5. If you're problem was paying your mortgage and your house fell into ruins and then they came and redid your house......what makes you think you will suddenly have money to pay your mortgage? All that's changing is that people will now take pictures of your house and open those collections letters.
1. Ladies, when picking your reality show, consider what you're being asked to do. Do you really think that leaving your life for some period of days week or months to "fall in love" alongside 30 other women is how you're going to find your soulmate?
2. If you're not a designer, why would you go on a show like Project Runway. All you've done is secured your place in the gossip columns as a fake and wannabe.
3. If you're on a show that has a confessional, everything you say in there will be broadcast (and cut to be even worse) to the entire world. Don't bash your cast mates because they will come after you at the reunion special.
4. If you're not friends with someone, don't preach that you are. The world is well aware that all of these women on the Real Housewives series were not friends before the show. Stop trying to fake a history together!
5. If you're problem was paying your mortgage and your house fell into ruins and then they came and redid your house......what makes you think you will suddenly have money to pay your mortgage? All that's changing is that people will now take pictures of your house and open those collections letters.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Why I hate my office
While I love the idea of an office, there are a few reasons I hate the one I have. Overall I'm glad to have a place to come to everyday (and one with a door in case I need to pretend I'm not here) but.....this little lovely leaves a few things to be desired. As I sit here today on a insert appropriate weather description here Saturday afternoon, here are a few observations.
1. I wish I had a window. On days like today, or when my colleagues across the hall are not in, I have no idea what the outside world looks like. I never know it it's sunny, snowy, windy.....if it weren't for the clock on the computer I might end up in here for days on end because I just didn't know nighttime had arrived.
2. I really like my colleagues, but two desks for three people isn't quite enough. I'm lucky that I get my own, but I feel bad for my less than full time colleagues who are forced to share space, a computer, and the resources we are given. I suppose, however, we are lucky to have an Italian office and can at least share a common language and common students in here.
3. I don't have enough bookshelves and I can't find anymore. Publishers keep sending books, I keep bringing books from home, I store all of my notebooks of lesson plans here and the space is very limited. I know the world is going digital, but us academics love our hard copies. Where am I supposed to put them?
4. There are two plugs and a wad of wires on the floor. At least once a week I trip over the many different cords in this office. The computer stuff is plugged in on one side of the room (but of course the ethernet plug in is on the other side of the room) and the phone is plugged in on that side, but the phone plug itself is on the other. Therefore, there are ugly grey cords running all over the place.
5. Flourescent lighting. I made the realization that bringing in lamps from home would help, but they also go through lightbulbs faster than the death rays coming from the ceiling.
Why didn't I pick one of those professions where they give you a big corner office with walls made out of windows? I don't even think we have one of those on this campus.
1. I wish I had a window. On days like today, or when my colleagues across the hall are not in, I have no idea what the outside world looks like. I never know it it's sunny, snowy, windy.....if it weren't for the clock on the computer I might end up in here for days on end because I just didn't know nighttime had arrived.
2. I really like my colleagues, but two desks for three people isn't quite enough. I'm lucky that I get my own, but I feel bad for my less than full time colleagues who are forced to share space, a computer, and the resources we are given. I suppose, however, we are lucky to have an Italian office and can at least share a common language and common students in here.
3. I don't have enough bookshelves and I can't find anymore. Publishers keep sending books, I keep bringing books from home, I store all of my notebooks of lesson plans here and the space is very limited. I know the world is going digital, but us academics love our hard copies. Where am I supposed to put them?
4. There are two plugs and a wad of wires on the floor. At least once a week I trip over the many different cords in this office. The computer stuff is plugged in on one side of the room (but of course the ethernet plug in is on the other side of the room) and the phone is plugged in on that side, but the phone plug itself is on the other. Therefore, there are ugly grey cords running all over the place.
5. Flourescent lighting. I made the realization that bringing in lamps from home would help, but they also go through lightbulbs faster than the death rays coming from the ceiling.
Why didn't I pick one of those professions where they give you a big corner office with walls made out of windows? I don't even think we have one of those on this campus.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
An open letter to Bravo TV
Dear Bravo TV,
I am quite possibly your biggest fan. All those ratings you're getting...they are from me. I am the type of viewer that will watch reruns of the Real Housewives of insert city here even if i have already seen it ten times. I will even watch the cities I don't like. Our TV is always set to Bravo TV and it rarely moves from it. Sometimes I even go on your website and read the blogs from Top Chefs or Real Estate California boys.
Granted you have some real quality programming, I think you may have gone a little too far with the Real Housewives series. DC was boring and your teaser lead up to nothing with that whole White House dinner scandal. Beverly Hills was ok, but can't even hold a candle to the original OC ladies. Miami is boring so far and mamma cubana is really scaring me a bit. I appreciate that you latched onto a good thing, but it's time to let go.
I see that you've replaced some of your programming with new shows: some pregnancy show that looks questionable and Bethenny's new show, which could be promising. But my dear Bravo TV, you're missing the boat! If you want reality drama (real or scripted) you need to come follow me around! I had enough drama this week (and it's only Thursday mind you) to fill an entire season with TV gold! And tomorrow will be better because I'm pretty sure my colleagues are going to be on fire, we will meet with our superiors (always fun to watch) and then Laetitia and I are going for drinks! That's a four parter right there! WHY HAVE YOU NOT PICKED UP MY SHOW YET?!?!?!?!?! I can be just as funny/quirky/odd as Bethenny. Do I need to start branding the heck out of my life before I'll get a second look?
Anxiously awaiting your call,
Jessica, your biggest fan.
I am quite possibly your biggest fan. All those ratings you're getting...they are from me. I am the type of viewer that will watch reruns of the Real Housewives of insert city here even if i have already seen it ten times. I will even watch the cities I don't like. Our TV is always set to Bravo TV and it rarely moves from it. Sometimes I even go on your website and read the blogs from Top Chefs or Real Estate California boys.
Granted you have some real quality programming, I think you may have gone a little too far with the Real Housewives series. DC was boring and your teaser lead up to nothing with that whole White House dinner scandal. Beverly Hills was ok, but can't even hold a candle to the original OC ladies. Miami is boring so far and mamma cubana is really scaring me a bit. I appreciate that you latched onto a good thing, but it's time to let go.
I see that you've replaced some of your programming with new shows: some pregnancy show that looks questionable and Bethenny's new show, which could be promising. But my dear Bravo TV, you're missing the boat! If you want reality drama (real or scripted) you need to come follow me around! I had enough drama this week (and it's only Thursday mind you) to fill an entire season with TV gold! And tomorrow will be better because I'm pretty sure my colleagues are going to be on fire, we will meet with our superiors (always fun to watch) and then Laetitia and I are going for drinks! That's a four parter right there! WHY HAVE YOU NOT PICKED UP MY SHOW YET?!?!?!?!?! I can be just as funny/quirky/odd as Bethenny. Do I need to start branding the heck out of my life before I'll get a second look?
Anxiously awaiting your call,
Jessica, your biggest fan.
This is how you know you're going insane
1. You tell someone that you're deadline is April 1. They respond with: No problem, I know we can get everything done by early May.
2. You read a memo that says you'll receive items A, B and C. When you receive your packet you've received D, Q and Y. When you ask where items A, B and C the response is: what do you mean? We just gave you item P.
3. You go to office on your day off to complete one minor task and you should be in and out in about two hours. When you grab your purse and turn off your computer 6 hours have mysteriously disappeared from your life and you never even got around to that minor task.
4. You and your trusty "secretary" seem to be the only ones that can understand the paperwork that is fairly straightforward. And instead of asking for clarification, people just decide to ignore the rules and make stuff up.....and not consult you at all but yell at you about it later.
5. After following the rules, doing your job, and doing it well people get upset and set out to ruin you. Why? I'm not really clear....
Anyway, if you start suffering these symptoms, congratulations, you're going crazy and you're on your way to coockooland. When you get here join me! I'm at the big table in the back corner.
2. You read a memo that says you'll receive items A, B and C. When you receive your packet you've received D, Q and Y. When you ask where items A, B and C the response is: what do you mean? We just gave you item P.
3. You go to office on your day off to complete one minor task and you should be in and out in about two hours. When you grab your purse and turn off your computer 6 hours have mysteriously disappeared from your life and you never even got around to that minor task.
4. You and your trusty "secretary" seem to be the only ones that can understand the paperwork that is fairly straightforward. And instead of asking for clarification, people just decide to ignore the rules and make stuff up.....and not consult you at all but yell at you about it later.
5. After following the rules, doing your job, and doing it well people get upset and set out to ruin you. Why? I'm not really clear....
Anyway, if you start suffering these symptoms, congratulations, you're going crazy and you're on your way to coockooland. When you get here join me! I'm at the big table in the back corner.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
How is that you're even alive?
Do you ever have days where you look around and it seems like common sense has made a quick exit from the world and everyone is just wandering aimlessly making ridiculous claims, asking inappropriate questions, and holding you to completely inappropriate expectations? I had one of those days, and it seems like several of the people I had to deal with today have just lost all of their common sense. When that happens it makes me wonder how those people are even alive. Like how do they know not to wander into the middle of a busy highway but don't know that asking me (the Italian professor) about the Arabic study abroad program just doesn't make any sense? And how do they remember to feed and bathe themselves, but can't remember that you have to show up to class and do the homework to receive a good grade? Or how do they know that it's not appropriate to ask about a professor's personal life, but don't realize that it's not necessarily appropriate to broadcast their roommate's personal life in the middle of my class? Come on! These are life skills people, some people have them and some people don't. If you don't, I'm sorry but you are probably going to die some ridiculously tragic death because you forgot and wandered into the street. So, here's my recommendation, use the common sense that you were born with. I know you can do it.
In other news, I have solved (actually Marina and Katie solved it) the mystery of the miscommunication about my graduation stuff. And here it is: someone removed me from the departmental email list.....so that form I didn't fill out? The one I got yelled at for "forgetting." The one that I was informed went out in an email and I spent the weekend wracking my brain to figure out how I could have ignored and deleted such an important email? I NEVER GOT IT! Yup, that's right.....the universal balance is back in place: Jessica was right, and he who decided to call me out on my forgetfulness was wrong. Haha! Of course I knew it would turn out like that somehow. Why you ask? Here's why: I am INCREDIBLY forgetful....but I'm also well aware of that fact and know very well that I write everything down on one of my 20 million sticky notes, or if it's really important I put it in the calendar of my phone and then I get a reminder 5, 10, and 30 minutes before I'm supposed to do something. Don't you think that my doctoral graduation might have been something that warranted a reminder? I mean, did you really think I'd forget about it? Probably not. I'm not one of those over achievers who will get two masters degrees, three PhDs and an MD so my 3 lovely letters and they will be my most important accomplishment....and have and will be my obsession until this whole process is over.
I try to be open-minded and forgiving, but sometimes people make it so hard! Ah! It was one of those days where I feel like I was airlifted out of normal world and set smack dab in the middle of the island of no common sense. But tomorrow is another day....stay tuned, I'm sure I'll have another evil rant for tomorrow's events.
In other news, I have solved (actually Marina and Katie solved it) the mystery of the miscommunication about my graduation stuff. And here it is: someone removed me from the departmental email list.....so that form I didn't fill out? The one I got yelled at for "forgetting." The one that I was informed went out in an email and I spent the weekend wracking my brain to figure out how I could have ignored and deleted such an important email? I NEVER GOT IT! Yup, that's right.....the universal balance is back in place: Jessica was right, and he who decided to call me out on my forgetfulness was wrong. Haha! Of course I knew it would turn out like that somehow. Why you ask? Here's why: I am INCREDIBLY forgetful....but I'm also well aware of that fact and know very well that I write everything down on one of my 20 million sticky notes, or if it's really important I put it in the calendar of my phone and then I get a reminder 5, 10, and 30 minutes before I'm supposed to do something. Don't you think that my doctoral graduation might have been something that warranted a reminder? I mean, did you really think I'd forget about it? Probably not. I'm not one of those over achievers who will get two masters degrees, three PhDs and an MD so my 3 lovely letters and they will be my most important accomplishment....and have and will be my obsession until this whole process is over.
I try to be open-minded and forgiving, but sometimes people make it so hard! Ah! It was one of those days where I feel like I was airlifted out of normal world and set smack dab in the middle of the island of no common sense. But tomorrow is another day....stay tuned, I'm sure I'll have another evil rant for tomorrow's events.
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