As everyone knows, I am an Italian professor. I teach Italian. My field falls into the humanities. What you may not know, however, is that I spent the first two and a half years of college as an astrophysics student. I know, my nerdiness knows no bounds, right? Have no fear, I'm still a huge nerd despite my big move over to the arts side of things. Ask my students, they'll confirm. Anyway, my whole reason for getting away from the physics was that I didn't want to spend my life in a lab doing research. Guess what I do now? Research. In a tiny windowless office that I share with two other people. And I don't even get paid for that part. Not a great move on my part, but whatever.
In the 8 and 1/2 years since I left my physics career behind, I've become completely unable to do any math other than easy percentage calculations. Today, however, I spent my entire day (and by entire I mean 8:15-5:05) working on a budgets for the 11 study abroad programs our department at UNT. It was pretty brutal. I think my eyes were bleeding when I emerged from sad windowless cage.
So now I'm home and I cannot bring myself to prepare my lecture on Petrarch and Boccaccio tomorrow. However, Giovanni Boccaccio (Jonny Badmouth as I like to call him) is one of my all time faves. There's sex and drugs and practical jokes all over the place. I'd like to think that anyone who's anyone loves Boccaccio.
In other news, there's a new Real Housewives coming: Miami. Don't know how I feel about that. I think, my dear Bravo executives, you've used up the RH idea. In closing, let me give you my opinions on the many different RH series.
Orange county: The original and the best. I love it. They ladies are hilarious and not annoying to watch. Thumbs up.
New York: The countess is annoying and Ramona needs to get over herself. Jill was only entertaining when Bethenny was around and now that she's gone I don't know if she'll hold my interest. Alex and Simon are creepy and Kelly is incredibly stupid and annoying. She can't even have a conversation. Or wear a dress long enough that allows her to sit down without flashing her lady parts to the world. I think the best part of that show is the new lady, Sonia.
New Jersey: If they can get rid of the stripper, druggie, killer girl maybe it will be ok. Caroline is awesome and I want to be her when I grow up.
Atlanta: Annoying times fifty. Nene is so dumb (and will be making an appearance on The Celebrity Apprentice this year) that I want to slap her through the tv. Kim is full of contradictions and I find her exhausting. The rest just don't hold my interest.
Washington DC: The dud. All it had going for it was the White House scandal and after teasing it on every episode, they didn't even have any footage! Stupid, and canceled after a horribly boring first season.
Beverly Hills: Eh. They're not so different from the OC ladies.....I suppose they probably have more money. The best thing about that show is Lisa. She should have her own show. And a how-to DVD for being a fabulous British lady with an amazing sense of humor and a funny little bald dog. I can take or leave the rest.
Miami: No good ads so far.....not even sure what the drama will be about. Jury's still out.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Monday, February 14, 2011
Happy stupid day.
Dear friends, it's Valentine's day (which I hate) but nevertheless I hope you had a great day. I taught an AWESOME class on Dante and Petrarch and even got excited about Petrarch a little bit (who I also hate). However, in honor of this day (which people always forget actually has dark and twisty roots - much like Signor Petrarca himself) I would like to share the top ten moments of the day.
1. One of my 2050 students told me I looked super cute today (and who said black on black on black with black jewelry and black hair accessories was inappropriate on this stupidest day of the year?!)
2 and 3. I got complimented twice on my boots!
Comment one: Whoa! Those boots are mean! Seriously, I love them!
Comment two: OMG! Let me see your boots! Those are fierce!
4. A thank you from the Miss Texas Organization for judging at the Sweeper pageants this weekend. I love pageantry!
5. Junior league. Another perk of judging pageants is you meet some real movers and shakers in the pageant world and the non-profit scene. This weekend I got two separate invitations to join the Dallas Junior League. It's a little bit ladies that lunch and a lot community service garnished with a ton of free invitations to awesome parties and grand openings. I'm in. Can't wait till the next membership rally!
6. My best friend Jeff (my valentine for the last 15 years) sent me a Valentine card.
7. Veronica Mars on Netflix. Why didn't I watch this show when it was on? I LOVE IT! I totally want to be a high school spy/private eye/man eater. Where do I sign up for lessons?
8. I am number four preview - this is so OBVIOUSLY Twilight meets Romeo and Juliet with a little Spiderman thrown in just for kicks. What is this even about? Who knows, but it's fun picking out all the things they stole from other movies.
9. Sophie's daughter Anabelle - princess-in-training. I cleaned out my closet and some of my pageant clothes and passed them on to Sophie's 4 year old. Apparently she wore a tiara to school today. I can rest easy tonight knowing that my rhinestones are doing the world good.
10. My favorite way to end a Monday: the Bachelor. I suppose I really shouldn't comment since I've never been there.....but come on ladies! This is ridiculous! How can you "fall in love" with someone while you share him with 25 other people? Isn't that called polygamy? And you're all delirious from not eating so you look good for the cameras......you have NO idea what's actually going on. He has a dumb accent and in case you haven't realized, it never works out. It's more about who will become the next bachelorette.....who will "find her soulmate" and then break up with him shortly after filming ends. It's a vicious cycle but I can't look away.
1. One of my 2050 students told me I looked super cute today (and who said black on black on black with black jewelry and black hair accessories was inappropriate on this stupidest day of the year?!)
2 and 3. I got complimented twice on my boots!
Comment one: Whoa! Those boots are mean! Seriously, I love them!
Comment two: OMG! Let me see your boots! Those are fierce!
4. A thank you from the Miss Texas Organization for judging at the Sweeper pageants this weekend. I love pageantry!
5. Junior league. Another perk of judging pageants is you meet some real movers and shakers in the pageant world and the non-profit scene. This weekend I got two separate invitations to join the Dallas Junior League. It's a little bit ladies that lunch and a lot community service garnished with a ton of free invitations to awesome parties and grand openings. I'm in. Can't wait till the next membership rally!
6. My best friend Jeff (my valentine for the last 15 years) sent me a Valentine card.
7. Veronica Mars on Netflix. Why didn't I watch this show when it was on? I LOVE IT! I totally want to be a high school spy/private eye/man eater. Where do I sign up for lessons?
8. I am number four preview - this is so OBVIOUSLY Twilight meets Romeo and Juliet with a little Spiderman thrown in just for kicks. What is this even about? Who knows, but it's fun picking out all the things they stole from other movies.
9. Sophie's daughter Anabelle - princess-in-training. I cleaned out my closet and some of my pageant clothes and passed them on to Sophie's 4 year old. Apparently she wore a tiara to school today. I can rest easy tonight knowing that my rhinestones are doing the world good.
10. My favorite way to end a Monday: the Bachelor. I suppose I really shouldn't comment since I've never been there.....but come on ladies! This is ridiculous! How can you "fall in love" with someone while you share him with 25 other people? Isn't that called polygamy? And you're all delirious from not eating so you look good for the cameras......you have NO idea what's actually going on. He has a dumb accent and in case you haven't realized, it never works out. It's more about who will become the next bachelorette.....who will "find her soulmate" and then break up with him shortly after filming ends. It's a vicious cycle but I can't look away.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
A battle of wits
My dissertation and I are deep in battle. At the moment it's winning. I have four of five chapters written (all that's left is the conclusion) and two are fully edited. However, today I decided it was a good time to take those 6 separate files, condense them into one, and start working on the formatting.
Now, I don't want to toot my own horn, but if I'm good at anything, it's making things fit well on a page. My best friend Andrea can attest to the fact that I spent many a wintery night in South Bend formatting my papers, her papers, my CV, her CV, her husband's CV, our papers, the list goes on and on. I think it's well established that I'm quite the nerd - I'm in the 23rd grade and the best Christmas present I ever got was a stamp that says "From the library of Jessica Greenfield" - and you will not be surprised to learn that I LOVE formatting documents. Well, lovED. Now I hate it!
A little background: I've heard from friends that the worst part of the dissertation (and this is after two years of research and two years of writing) is the formatting. In fact, the formatting guide provided by UNC is 16 pages alone! They were right. Everything has a silly little catch. On the first page of every chapter, the text should start 2 inches from the top of the page while 1 inch from the top on subsequent pages. The title page should not have a page number, but everything after that up until the end of the table of contents should be numbered with roman numerals starting with ii. Following the table of contents, everything should have regular numbers including the bibliography (which I recently noticed is missing some of my sources and I also recently discovered that I have two books from the same author but didn't realize it as I was citing them.....so that's a bit of a problem since I can't remember what came from what book). Page numbers should be centered, 10, 11, or 12 point font in Arial, Times New Roman or an equivalent font half an inch from the bottom of the page.
Are you eyes rolling back in your head yet? Mine are! I cannot make the stupid pagination work! I know there needs to be a section break but I can't seem to place it in the right spot and all it's doing is throwing off my 2 inches on the following page. Don't even get me started on the block quotes!
And then......there are the footnotes. If you know me at all, I'm sure you've hear at least one of my rants about footnotes, and then my explanation of how one of my professors at UNC scared me into believing that if a page doesn't have a footnote, it doesn't say enough. But here's the things about footnotes: there's supposed to be a 2 inch line separating the 12 point font of the body of the paper and the 10 point font of the footnotes (which should also have a single spaced line between them). BUT.....the line doesn't always appear......sometimes it disappears! And the reappears if you try and edit the sentence before the footnote. And if you add your own line, then when you print it sometimes there are TWO lines! AHHHHHH! I know I know it's a rite of passage....but I think it's overrated. And incredibly annoying when you can't make the computer work the way it's supposed to!
And deep breath.
Now, I don't want to toot my own horn, but if I'm good at anything, it's making things fit well on a page. My best friend Andrea can attest to the fact that I spent many a wintery night in South Bend formatting my papers, her papers, my CV, her CV, her husband's CV, our papers, the list goes on and on. I think it's well established that I'm quite the nerd - I'm in the 23rd grade and the best Christmas present I ever got was a stamp that says "From the library of Jessica Greenfield" - and you will not be surprised to learn that I LOVE formatting documents. Well, lovED. Now I hate it!
A little background: I've heard from friends that the worst part of the dissertation (and this is after two years of research and two years of writing) is the formatting. In fact, the formatting guide provided by UNC is 16 pages alone! They were right. Everything has a silly little catch. On the first page of every chapter, the text should start 2 inches from the top of the page while 1 inch from the top on subsequent pages. The title page should not have a page number, but everything after that up until the end of the table of contents should be numbered with roman numerals starting with ii. Following the table of contents, everything should have regular numbers including the bibliography (which I recently noticed is missing some of my sources and I also recently discovered that I have two books from the same author but didn't realize it as I was citing them.....so that's a bit of a problem since I can't remember what came from what book). Page numbers should be centered, 10, 11, or 12 point font in Arial, Times New Roman or an equivalent font half an inch from the bottom of the page.
Are you eyes rolling back in your head yet? Mine are! I cannot make the stupid pagination work! I know there needs to be a section break but I can't seem to place it in the right spot and all it's doing is throwing off my 2 inches on the following page. Don't even get me started on the block quotes!
And then......there are the footnotes. If you know me at all, I'm sure you've hear at least one of my rants about footnotes, and then my explanation of how one of my professors at UNC scared me into believing that if a page doesn't have a footnote, it doesn't say enough. But here's the things about footnotes: there's supposed to be a 2 inch line separating the 12 point font of the body of the paper and the 10 point font of the footnotes (which should also have a single spaced line between them). BUT.....the line doesn't always appear......sometimes it disappears! And the reappears if you try and edit the sentence before the footnote. And if you add your own line, then when you print it sometimes there are TWO lines! AHHHHHH! I know I know it's a rite of passage....but I think it's overrated. And incredibly annoying when you can't make the computer work the way it's supposed to!
And deep breath.
I hate Valentine's Day.
I strongly believe that you should too. Here's why:
1. I don't like watching/listening to other people in their honeymoon phase. It's annoying. Especially when they're trying out new pet names. It makes me want to wear ear plugs and a blindfold.
2. I don't like chocolate. Plus it makes you break out. And it will make you gain weight if you eat a lot of it. Why are you trying to make your loved ones fat and zitty?
3. If you have a valentine shouldn't you show them you love them everyday?
4. Fixed menus. Have you (the single person without a date) every tried to go out to eat dinner on Valentine's Day? You either can't go in because you don't have a reservation or you have to select from some ridiculously expensive, everything is red with food coloring, not appetizing short list. Turns out mexican restaurants are the way to go on Valentine's Day. The tequila helps too.
5. The only valentines I get are from my mom (sparkly glitter stickers) and my 90 year old grandfather.
6. The sound of other people kissing makes my ears bleed.
7. Redheads can't wear red. Therefore I wear black. So should you.
8. Mass produced roses always lose their smell. And die really quickly.
9. February is a stupid month. That's why it's so short: everyone hates it. They only stuck Valentine's Day in there to try and make it pass faster. It only makes me hate it more.
10. Pink is the greatest color to ever be invented and I don't like that it's associated with the debacle that is Valentine's Day.
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
There's something to be said for self confidence
Yet again the Texas weather gods had too much to drink last night and mistakenly work up thinking they're in South Bend and therefore brought in snow, ice, and a windchill of 0. Since we've already lost four days of class and this now makes five, all of the UNT teachers have basically resigned themselves to teaching online. There just is no way we can make up another 50-80 minutes before Spring Break.
My day started with me reediting (again) a quiz so that it could be given online rather than in class. We had the frank discussion in class on Monday that if UNT were to be closed, that the students would be responsible for logging onto Blackboard, either writing or typing their answers, and then sending that quiz back to me via email to be graded. Simple enough. Now I knew that this process would be a little traumatic for some.....people always think I'll forget, that their computer won't work, etc. But here's the thing: everyone has the syllabus which has my email, most of the students have tracked me down on facebook (and I woke up to several panicked messages), and some even have my personal phone number. So, if there were to be an error, someone could surely track me down.
So, the quiz was posted at the time indicated both in the online announcement as well as discussed in class two days ago. I even put up two versions (one PDF and one .DOCX) so that people could print, write, and scan or opt to type their answers in on the computer. It's too early yet to know if everyone remembered to sign in to BB and do the quiz, but I'm sure someone will forget or claim they didn't know.....which means they don't check their email, sign into BB, or listen in class so they probably deserve the 0 they'll be getting.
But here's the real problem: why don't people trust themselves anymore? My little students know very well that they need to sign in for the quiz, that it will be there, that they'll be able to complete it, and that they'll be able to send it back to me. But why are they doubting themselves? These are smart, scrappy, resourceful developing minds here.......why are they so worried that they won't be able to complete the project they are so much more than able to complete? Who taught them to doubt themselves so much? Resourcefulness is a life skill.....if you can't figure out a way around a problem, then you're probably going to die soon anyway. Granted, there is quite a fine line between believing in yourself and being overconfident, but I'm worried that there is a complete lack of inventiveness, resourcefulness, grace under pressure.
I blame George Bush.
My day started with me reediting (again) a quiz so that it could be given online rather than in class. We had the frank discussion in class on Monday that if UNT were to be closed, that the students would be responsible for logging onto Blackboard, either writing or typing their answers, and then sending that quiz back to me via email to be graded. Simple enough. Now I knew that this process would be a little traumatic for some.....people always think I'll forget, that their computer won't work, etc. But here's the thing: everyone has the syllabus which has my email, most of the students have tracked me down on facebook (and I woke up to several panicked messages), and some even have my personal phone number. So, if there were to be an error, someone could surely track me down.
So, the quiz was posted at the time indicated both in the online announcement as well as discussed in class two days ago. I even put up two versions (one PDF and one .DOCX) so that people could print, write, and scan or opt to type their answers in on the computer. It's too early yet to know if everyone remembered to sign in to BB and do the quiz, but I'm sure someone will forget or claim they didn't know.....which means they don't check their email, sign into BB, or listen in class so they probably deserve the 0 they'll be getting.
But here's the real problem: why don't people trust themselves anymore? My little students know very well that they need to sign in for the quiz, that it will be there, that they'll be able to complete it, and that they'll be able to send it back to me. But why are they doubting themselves? These are smart, scrappy, resourceful developing minds here.......why are they so worried that they won't be able to complete the project they are so much more than able to complete? Who taught them to doubt themselves so much? Resourcefulness is a life skill.....if you can't figure out a way around a problem, then you're probably going to die soon anyway. Granted, there is quite a fine line between believing in yourself and being overconfident, but I'm worried that there is a complete lack of inventiveness, resourcefulness, grace under pressure.
I blame George Bush.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Where is natural selection when you need it?
Well, it's official. I hate everyone. Wasn't natural selection supposed to weed our the weak ones to allow those of us fighters to survive? New flash, it missed Denton. I just don't understand how some of the people I had to deal with today are even still alive. I mean, I think one of them was such a slow processor that there's no way they can remember to feed or bathe or dress themself on a daily basis. In the process I have come to several realizations:
1. I am much better at life than many people. It would make me happy if those people would realize that, get out of my way, and let me handle everything that the keep repeatedly screwing up.
2. My brain works much faster than other people. Blessing or curse? Curse. It's annoying having to wait for other people to catch up.
3. Natural selection has not arrived in 2011. Obviously the modern natural selection should be killing off the people who can't multitask, who think it's ok to drink and drive/text and drive/anything other than focus on the road and drive, who think it's ok to not read books, and people who think that "working hard" means letting everyone else clean up your mess. I don't mean to be insensitive, but if you cannot handle your own life, please stay out of mine. It's exhausting trying to hold my life together and yours. And frankly, I don't really care about your life. Except for the trail of destruction it's leaving in mine.
So, ladies and gentlemen, in honor of the silver glittery crown stickers my mom sent me in lieu of valentine's candy, I would like to announce my nomination for queen of the world. Elections will be held in a few weeks....but chances are I'll just take over anyway.
1. I am much better at life than many people. It would make me happy if those people would realize that, get out of my way, and let me handle everything that the keep repeatedly screwing up.
2. My brain works much faster than other people. Blessing or curse? Curse. It's annoying having to wait for other people to catch up.
3. Natural selection has not arrived in 2011. Obviously the modern natural selection should be killing off the people who can't multitask, who think it's ok to drink and drive/text and drive/anything other than focus on the road and drive, who think it's ok to not read books, and people who think that "working hard" means letting everyone else clean up your mess. I don't mean to be insensitive, but if you cannot handle your own life, please stay out of mine. It's exhausting trying to hold my life together and yours. And frankly, I don't really care about your life. Except for the trail of destruction it's leaving in mine.
So, ladies and gentlemen, in honor of the silver glittery crown stickers my mom sent me in lieu of valentine's candy, I would like to announce my nomination for queen of the world. Elections will be held in a few weeks....but chances are I'll just take over anyway.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
January's favorite things.....this could even give Oprah a run for her money
I'm SO BORED! It's day two of snow/ice days and we still have yet another cancellation tomorrow. The real question is: Will we have school on Friday or will we really have had a one day work week? Anyway, in an attempt to pacify the zen-mama I'm going to try and focus on the positive, so here are my top ten favorite things for the month of January.
1. Animal print.....CHECKS! Yes, I had to order new checks and for the first time I ventured away from the boring bank options and found animal print checks! Zebra, giraffe, tiger, and leopard.....makes me want to pay bills all the time!
2. Affordable double platforms. Target's Massimo line (are any of you old enough to remember when Massimo was a super hot brand when we were in middle school?) has the best pair of double platform pumps. I got them in patent leather nude, but they also come in gold glitter! And for only $30! I may venture back when the ice melts and pick up the glitter ones as well. They're not the most comfortable I've ever had, but they're good for about 2 hours without needing a break.
3. Pistachios. Somehow I always forget that I love them until I go back to Italy (where I eat pistachio gelato about a thousand times each summer). Can't say I love the price, but I do appreciate their ad campaign with funny celebrities.
4. William Shatner. He's so weird yet funny. Plus it always makes me think of the show Boston Legal with my grandmother watched religiously during her last few months.
5. Laetitia. Too many reasons to explain why.
6. My office suite.....and the hilarious running commentary we have. If they were every going to make a reality show about the drama of academia, they'd want to have a permanent crew in Lang 405. Because we're awesome.
7. Netflix. Yes, I finally gave in and subscribed.....and I'm addicted. Yes I'm rotting my brain even more, but I think it's ok because at least I get to skip the ads.
8. Starbucks Java Chip ice cream. I'm not really an ice cream person but sometimes I get these crazy cravings for Java Chip ice cream. It's weird too because I don't even like chocolate.....but I think the caffeine makes up for it.
9. My big giant animal print purse. It's huge, it fits like ten different books. It goes with everything. I love it. You should too.
10. Goat cheese. 'Nuf said.
1. Animal print.....CHECKS! Yes, I had to order new checks and for the first time I ventured away from the boring bank options and found animal print checks! Zebra, giraffe, tiger, and leopard.....makes me want to pay bills all the time!
2. Affordable double platforms. Target's Massimo line (are any of you old enough to remember when Massimo was a super hot brand when we were in middle school?) has the best pair of double platform pumps. I got them in patent leather nude, but they also come in gold glitter! And for only $30! I may venture back when the ice melts and pick up the glitter ones as well. They're not the most comfortable I've ever had, but they're good for about 2 hours without needing a break.
3. Pistachios. Somehow I always forget that I love them until I go back to Italy (where I eat pistachio gelato about a thousand times each summer). Can't say I love the price, but I do appreciate their ad campaign with funny celebrities.
4. William Shatner. He's so weird yet funny. Plus it always makes me think of the show Boston Legal with my grandmother watched religiously during her last few months.
5. Laetitia. Too many reasons to explain why.
6. My office suite.....and the hilarious running commentary we have. If they were every going to make a reality show about the drama of academia, they'd want to have a permanent crew in Lang 405. Because we're awesome.
7. Netflix. Yes, I finally gave in and subscribed.....and I'm addicted. Yes I'm rotting my brain even more, but I think it's ok because at least I get to skip the ads.
8. Starbucks Java Chip ice cream. I'm not really an ice cream person but sometimes I get these crazy cravings for Java Chip ice cream. It's weird too because I don't even like chocolate.....but I think the caffeine makes up for it.
9. My big giant animal print purse. It's huge, it fits like ten different books. It goes with everything. I love it. You should too.
10. Goat cheese. 'Nuf said.
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